Saturday, 27 November 2010

Cake Madness and Calorie Shame.

When will I learn? I am kicking myself for not looking at the nutritional information on the back of a box of cakes.


Ye Gods! I am turning into a cake fiend. It's like I have to have a cake every single day, yet a while ago, I gave them no thought. I'd gone without them for a while and the fewer I had, the less I felt the need for them. (I mean - no one NEEDS cakes, do they?) I had tamed my sweet tooth or so I thought. It's amazing though how once you indulge, it's SO hard not to carry on indulging. I don't mean all in the same day....I am not a binge eater...I can stop, but I can also over-indulge day after day after day until 'bad' foods become a tasty comfort - something to look forward to, an indulgence, a treat.  That's what I have been doing. I can 'allow' myself too many 'little treats' throughout the day, and boy, do those calories add up!


It's nothing to do with allowing foods I fancy into my diet and accounting for them. Oh no. This is "I want a cake and I am having a cake...so there!" I am defying my own willpower - deliberately and consciously damaging myself and thwarting all my efforts to lose weight....destroying all the good habits I'd incorporated into my eating, because my inner brat was not going to stop screaming! I gave in to that demanding inner child - knowingly, and I feel rather ashamed. I was joining the inner brat in looking forward to a cake-buying spree every day. And yes, I can also get my head around the fact that the brat is me. I WANT CAKES - l have to be honest with myself.


WHY do I want cakes, knowing they contain fat, sugar and not a lot else? No idea. Comfort eating, plain and simple. Just as a mother might stop a baby wailing and wanting by stuffing a dummy into it's mouth, I soothe myself with cakes.


Then, playing amateur psychologist, I ask my self WHY I need to soothe myself? What is creating this urge for cakes? I shan't say it's an uncontrollable urge, but it's an urge I am not fighting. I am bright enough to know that I can distract myself, busy myself with other things, or eat oatcakes, apricots, bananas instead of cakes, if I REALLY feel the urge to eat. I also know that these urges have absolutely nothing to do with hunger.


Why have I stopped fighting these impulses?


I just don't know.


Anyway - tonight I casually looked at the packet which contained two egg custard tarts...sweet pastry cases filled with a rich egg custard. Two individual little tarts. I bought TWO packs of two, because my intention was to share them with my man's relatives IF they popped round tonight. They didn't, so wey-hey - more cakes for MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!


I ate two at lunch time...with an interval of about 90 minutes between each. I had both with a big mug of tea. Then this evening when they called to say they didn't have time to pop in (lots of urgent things to do in the course of one day's visit, so understandable) I was quite delighted that there were two more small cakes for me to eat! I had one shortly after they phoned, and one for pudding after my evening meal. Four egg custard tarts in one day.


Casually I looked at the box they came in and lo and behold, each tart contained


240 calories.
5 grams of protein.
28.4 grams of carbohydrate, of which 13.4 grams were sugars.
11.5 grams of fat, of which 4.8grams were saturated.


Today I ate 960 calories in cakes alone. Oh blush.


20 grams of protein
113.6 grams of carbohydrate - 53.6 grams were sugars.
46 grams of fat - 19.3 grams were saturated.


Those soft, custardy cakes took only minutes to eat....


A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.


Little pickers wear bigger knickers.


Fridge magnet philosophy, but well...quite appropriate.


Doesn't it make you feel bad when you tot up the totals of 'bad' foods?


*THINKS: Now, if I'd been aware at the outset that my cakes contained such 'badness' would I have binned them?  Into the bin - or into me? I am not sure, but sadly, I am also not convinced that I'd have thrown them away :(


I wouldn't put sand into the petrol tank of my car, so why do I think it's OK to run my body on rubbish? It's strange, isn't it? I'd bet we've all been there.


I feel rather ashamed that I am treating myself so badly. I am not going to weigh myself right now. I don't need any more shame. I can't even promise I have seen the light and will eat sensibly for every day of my life from now on. I can't even promise that tomorrow I'll eat healthily.


I do know however that all sorts of emotions are coming into play. If you love yourself and value yourself, you don't treat your body like a dustbin or a land-fill site, as I have been doing lately, with carefree abandon.


However..a little shock to the system does no harm. Wake-up call. How much do I NEED cakes, now I am aware of those figures, above?


Onwards. It's my call, my body, my life. I need to think about what I am doing to myself. I hope perhaps that this post might encourage you to do the same?

5 comments:

  1. For me, once I'm aware of how many calories I'm consuming, it makes it a lot easier to resist. At one of my favorite restaurants I always order tacos. Thought how bad could they be...small shells, meat, cheese, veggies...Well they are almost 700 calories. Now I can't have them without really considering the cost of indulging in this deliciousness. Happily I can say that I have not had them since!

    Keep focused!

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  2. If I buy it I will Eat it! I've been BAD..I've bought a box of Brownie mix a couple of weeks ago thinking that since I have to make them I won't be so tempted because I'm basically lazy and I don't like to take the time to make them...so WHY did I buy the mix? Just to have on hand in case I had a special occasion...Yeah! The box did sit in my cupboard for over a week and then I gave in to my inner child and I made them..I do have to say for myself..they were the "low fat" type and it did take me 4 days to eat them all..they were sooooo goooood! But I didn't Really need all the extra calories...Hopefully I won't give into the temptation again..but NO Promises...
    We just have to keep trying I guess!

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  3. Are there Krispy Cremes in the UK? Husband stopped and bought 4 dozen doughnuts yesterday, I think because he was pressured by Teen Daughter and Niece and obviously lost his mind. Did I eat one? HELL no. I ate several. Although I am known to drive out for junk food, it is a hell of a lot easier to wolf down food that is sitting in my kitchen staring at me. I've been bad...REAL bad. But I know it is just a matter of dusting myself off and starting in again on the right path. Forgive yourself and move on, Fat Grump. I will too!
    Jo

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  4. hyperboleandahalf/blogspot/com has a great take on cake addiction-- see the side bar on the right.

    Enjoy
    Barb

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  5. Barb - loved the hyperboleandahalf site! The cake cartoons had me laughing. I know that desperation!:)

    Thanks Joy, Sue and Jo...glad you are still there. I have sort of given up on myself :(

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