Spice Up Your Life...

Hah. Gotcha! No, this isn't a kinky weight-loss post, a soft-porn edition. It's about soup and drastic weight-loss measures:)

Being virtuous (and into making soups right now) I made a big, big pot of carrot and butternut squash soup yesterday. It was for me and the boys - enough to last for two days.

I was tasting as I went. The soup was sweet, despite seasoning, but had a good, yummy 'vegetable' flavour.  I thought I'd add a bit of chili to give it an edge...take off the sweetness. I threw in a few chili flakes. Perhaps I added more than a few? Silly me. That was a mistake.

I blended it, served it up, with wholemeal bread for the boys, and took a spoonful.

Aaaaaargh! I almost spat it out. Oh yes...the taste of carrots and squash remained, but I didn't really want my insides to feel they'd been set alight as an after-shock! :)

Today I write to you with a burned tongue and gullet :) Not really, but I did ruin a big pot of soup. It was more than spicy! I may throw some boiled potatoes into it, and perhaps blend it with milk when I reheat it. That might take the burn-i-ness out of it. (I don't think burn-i-ness is a word...but 'heat' just doesn't describe it properly.) It seems a shame to throw the remainder down the plug-hole.

Ah well. Hot or not, it was healthy soup.

If all foods had an after-shock, I'd be able to avoid them like the plague. Easy-peasy. Imagine cream doughnuts tasting firey? They'd lose their appeal.

I may patent that. Slimming foods so spicy you just can't eat them. I have actually heard of people deliberately ruining their (tempting and fattening) food with peppers and spices and sauces so they wouldn't be able to eat them. You would go off food if it didn't taste nice, wouldn't you?

Just musing.

Thanks for indulging me.

Oh, one pound down this morning. Probably because I wan't able to drink my soup last night...either that or my insides have been burned out and weigh less :)

Have a good weekend.

                             

Putting it off, and putting it off...

Morning all. It's been so good to read that some of my favourite bloggers are doing well. They are losing weight, getting out there and enjoying life and their new found confidence rings out. What fantastic success stories. I want a bit of that for me. I can have a bit of that too. Nothing is preventing me losing weight.

So, can anyone tell me why I put off having my own success story?

Oh I know my life is about much more than losing weight, but a while ago I determined that this is what I would do, I'd lose weight, because being a fat woman was spoiling my life in many ways. I was becoming miserable, losing my enthusiasm for joining in, taking part. I'd wallow. I still do on some days. It's easy for me now to let life pass me by. I am finding it hard to make my days worthwhile. I could slob out all day. However, when I read a few blogs here I tell myself I have to make a decision. Do I really want to slob out and miss out on truly living, or do I want to be part of the game, to make today count for something?

I'd guess that with extra pounds and new rolls of fat their comes a certain sort of misery...not because we are so shallow that we believe the world is full of slim, air-brushed model types, but because our tighter clothes, our reflection in the mirror and the sight of recent photos makes us feel down. Everything we do as a fat person takes a bit more effort. Moving as others do becomes harder. We get out of breath quicker.

Let's not pretend there aren't negatives that come with the fat suit, because there are, no matter how much the fat acceptance people tell us we are being brain-washed.

This is the life we have, and if it becomes harder in many ways, then it isn't as good as it could possibly be, is it? We can laugh, we can have a jolly exterior and some people can be genuinely fat and happy. I think I am in a way. I am content and I am lucky to have a good life style but I know it's not a particularly healthy one.

On days when I have nothing much planned, (now I don't work, and my children have grown) I have the option to sit and do nothing much. Hmm. Nice. I deserve a life with fewer pressures.

However, I can go online, write, drink tea, graze all day long...and at the end of the day feel angry with myself that it's a day wasted, a day without goals, a day I have drifted through and probably gained a pound. Muscles haven't been used, brain has been engaged but the body, full of tea and grabbed snacks - all reasonably decent - is feeling sluggish. Sluggish body affects mind - and hey voila! - all of a sudden I turn from being a bright, middle aged woman who is content with her lot into a lazy, self-indulgent fat cow who deserves to grow fat and rot because she wastes life and opportunities to live.

*Laughing and shaking my head here.* Isn't it incredible how we can so easily bring ourselves down?

My dear old Mum always used to say keeping herself busy helped her to forget her cares and woes. It works. Too much time spent thinking, analysing, pondering can bring us down and have us focusing on all that isn't good with our lives.

I have a million and one jobs to do around the house, so today I have determined to tick at least one or two of those chores off my list. Win-win situation, as I'll  exercise my body too. I'll also force myself out into the fresh air. Fresh air always lifts a mood I find.

I felt good yesterday. I walked for miles around Batsford Arboretum with my man and we saw the thousands of trees in all their colourful Autumn glory.

Being out in the world and being part of it helps me. It lifts me physically and mentally.








'DOING' does that for us. It lifts us, so don't we owe it to ourselves to join in, to make our bodies move?

Sometimes, when we feel miserable about being fat all we want to do is wallow, but in wallowing we put off the day when our body becomes lighter and healthier.

Today I am working towards a slimmer and healthier life by making sure I engage with life itself. I could waste my day or do something with it, and I choose to be part of it all, fat or not.

What are you doing today? Whatever you do, move if you can. Change the scenery if you can. This is a reminder to myself too.

Have a good 'un :)

Well, There is Always Next Year....

To the right of this post there is a little saying on my page, which includes the words 'keep fighting.'

It's hard to keep fighting for a new body, a new way of eating, a new way of using your time actively, isn't it? It's SO easy to slip back into old ways. Do you find that, or has your healthy eating and exercise campaign become a breeze?

Sigh. It hasn't been a good week, mainly because people have been visiting, we've had a busy weekend and eating on the go or eating out has been part of it. I just ate what I fancied, and although there were no binges, I ate lots of calorific things. I didn't make any attempt to work off the calories either. Basically, I didn't care, I enjoyed myself and any guilt I had when ordering a pudding quickly vanished.

Oh woe is me? No. Not at all. This was my doing. I hold my hands up. I just didn't try.

Since I last weighed myself I have gained 4+ lbs. Four plus? Lets just call it five. Back into the 200lbs+ zone.

So, 'dieting' wisdom tells me I shouldn't give up, that I have to get back on track. All is not lost. I can undo the damage. I can carry on. I tell myself a transformation has to happen now, and it will only happen if I keep working on myself. I entitled this piece "Well, there is always next year..." because I really feel I keep putting off (in my head) the time when I will be a slimmer, fitter version of me.

There is no finishing line, this isn't a race, but I am like the runner who keeps falling over. I get back up and fall over again. By the time I have crossed the finishing line all the other competitors have gone home and the stadium has been locked up.  (If this were a real scenario I'd not be concerned about getting out or climbing over the gates - I'd be scouring the food outlets for left-over burgers and popcorn I expect.)

I know, I know. Nelson Mandela famously quoted Marianne Williamson, saying “The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."

Maybe some people find achieving personal goals easy? I know I don't. Oh, I could study and pass exams, that was no trouble, and any personal obstacles in the road of life I have worked around with determination and moved on, but I don't seem to be 100% motivated to lose weight. I have good reasons for wanting to be slimmer. It's just a 'want' however, not a burning ambition, or a firm goal. Although I have lost some weight, every pound I lose involves a struggle....and what I see as 'sacrifices.' I register the struggle, rather than the victory.
I keep forgetting I HAVE a goal. I give in too easily, without much thought.

Oh well, never mind there's always next year...

It doesn't have to be like that, does it?  Not if I am determined to do what it takes. Not if I'm determined to achieve my goals. I appreciate that there is one clear truth with personal goals - no one can reach them for me. There has to be action on my part.
I have to remember why I am doing this. I have to constantly remind myself that I need to exercise the muscle of self-discipline more than any other.

The other day I read something which amused me, and which is also very apt, given I am losing weight so slowly. “By perseverance the snail reached the ark.”






Here's a drawing of a happy snail :)
(OK, OK. I liked it.)

We all have to persevere, don't we?

Are you still working at it? I hope so. I'll leave you with something written by Jim Rohn.

“How long should you try? Until.”

Some Days Are Harder Than Others.

Why is that? Why do I feel really revved up some days and full of confidence that I can follow my plan - then a few days later, feel reluctant to do so?

What happens? Today, and it's early as I type, I feel I am going through the motions. It seems like a slog. All the enthusiasm I felt a few days ago seems to have waned. It seems like an enormous task to lose this dumpy apple shape of mine - to get rid of these tyres of fat around my middle.

So far I have done the sensible thing. I have had a good, nutritious breakfast and I don't feel hungry. I've taken my daily medication. I fed the cat and later he head-butted me and purred against my arm as we had a chat.  He is now asleep on his cushion. I have a big glass of water by my side and I am sipping it as I type. I got up at 6.45am as usual, saw my boys off to work, have done some work in the kitchen and as my house is on three levels I have been up and down the stairs several times. I have loaded the dishwasher and washing machine, chopped up some ham fat and put it on the bird-table for our feathered friends, (it's getting cold in the UK - very cold!) and now I want to slump, to laze about.
I have told myself that my indulgence is my blog post and then I'll put on an exercise DVD before showering. (I might just put it on and watch it - I have done that in the past!!!)

It's all a bit half-hearted.

However, we know how to get through spells like this, when we struggle to feel motivated. You just have to do it.

I could whine to myself until the cows come home about it 'not being fair' that I have to change my lifestyle. It won't help. Action is what is needed and sometimes you DO have to fake it to make it. I am doing this FOR ME, after all. Why would I make it more difficult than it has to be? In truth, it should be easy. (I almost wrote 'a piece of cake.') It isn't though, is it? Old ways and habits can get the better of us and slip ups, even small ones can trigger a downward spiral. That seems to be a common problem.

The most important thing is to take the next step. That makes sense. For me, the next step is to get moving, even though all my instincts tell me I could catch up with episodes of The Apprentice. I could make myself a nice mug of coffee and put my feet up. However, if I get my exercise out of the way, (even if I only do 15 minutes it's better than nothing,) then shower, I may feel psyched up to tackle the day with enthusiasm and gusto, or at least feel satisfied that I have been true to myself and stayed on plan.

You have to start if you want to achieve. It's the getting started that is sometimes difficult when there are cosier options to choose from. This is why gym membership is a non-starter for me. I did become a gym member  - twice - and I wasted the (quite considerable) membership fees. Getting there was the hardest part.

I am finding that I have to KEEP planning throughout the day. A daily plan is no good. An hourly plan is better, for me. I have to keep having a 'next step' and I have to remind myself that the next step ought to be a healthy one that will bring me a little nearer to my goal. I already know what I shall be having for lunch. A soft tortilla with lots of salad and home-cooked ham...and a squirt of extra light mayo.

OK. Post done. On with the day.

Nike got it right. Sometimes, no matter what your mood, you just have to DO IT!

You are doing it for yourself today as well, aren't you? :)

Have a good one.

“Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.”

Something is Working.

Woohoo. A few days ago, on one of my random weigh-ins, I discovered I'd lost one pound. I was going to record it but didn't get round to it.

I weighed myself this morning after my shower (I'd already had breakfast so imagined the one pound lost wouldn't register.) To my surprise, I'd lost two more, so, since I last recorded my weight loss (I am not recording gains) I have lost 3lbs. I know my weight fluctuates in between random weighings, but the scale is registering lower numbers - and it's those I am interested in! I am now 198lbs! I went under 200lbs without being very aware I'd reached that point, given my weigh-ins have been sporadic. I almost expected to gain and remain over 200lbs for ever and a day! What a nice surprise. Now - I don't want to gain those pounds back. Staying under 200lbs will be my goal for now!

My clothes are feeling decidedly loose. I cannot afford new outfits so I am gathering up items that used to fit and then became too tight. They'll get another outing.

Something is working. Maybe my meal planning is helping? I can't say I have been very good about exercising regularly. In fact I stayed in all day yesterday and I didn't do any exercise except movement round the house and some light housework. Not good but sometimes I have to tell myself I am allowed to have lazy days once in a while. Life used to be extremely hectic and busy - and stressful. It still is on occasions. The odd lazy day  is what early retirement is all about - my reward for being always responsible and the sole breadwinner for many, many years! :)

I had a lazy day - because I felt like it. I think we have to give in to our moods once in a while - so yesterday was spent online, watching TV, sorting through old photos, doing puzzles, talking on the phone, reading and preparing food and drinking lots of tea. I changed the bedding, (I love having fresh clean sheets on the bed when I turn in at night) put two loads of washing out on the line to dry and did a small pile of ironing. It was a nice day. I just didn't feel like venturing out.

Today I went out with daughter. It was her day off and she drove us into town. She had some shopping to do and we had lunch together. I didn't want much so we went to the food court and eyed up all the food outlets. I decided I wasn't very hungry, so I had a tuna salad with a small slice of garlic bread. I drank diet Coke, which I don't really like, but I felt thirsty and wanted a long drink. (Should have had water.) We did lots of walking. I took the stairs instead of the lifts or escalators. (Every bit of exercise helps!) We stopped later at Starbucks for a coffee. It was amazing that this is a coffee house. So many people were spooning whipped cream and chocolate flakes from the top of their cups. Fortunately, coffee for me means medium strength freshly brewed coffee with a splash of semi-skimmed milk and nothing else. That's how it's always been. A creamy, chocolately concoction  is more like a pudding than a drink but so many seem to get their fix that way. I felt quite virtuous! :) 

Daughter visited a cake shop because she was having visitors later and she chose a selection of little cakes and had them boxed up. I watched - not feeling in the least tempted. They looked a bit sickly-sweet. What's going on???

It could be that my chewy breakfast of one Weetabix sprinkled with hemp and also seeds (flax, sesame, linseed, pumpkin and sunflower...Neal's Yard, Breakfast Sprinkle) is filling me up? I don't feel hungry until much later in the day, sometimes having a very light lunch when I am at home. A bowl of homemade soup (I am into making soups lately!) is all I need...and I tend to have whatever I cook the boys for dinner - or whatever my man prepares if I am at his house. I watch portion size but nothing much is off limits. My appetite seems to vanish at times though. That's good. I can't manage large meals any more. Now, if only I could MAKE myself take time out to exercise, I'd probably speed up the weight loss.

Having said that, I am not racing - there is no end point. I just want to tweak my life - to eat less, to eat healthily more times than not, (treats allowed occasionally, foods I love incorporated into the 'diet' - in moderation.) and move more every day. Significantly more. The lack of movement over the last few years, rather than pigging out regularly is what contributed to my weight gain.

Vigilence is what it's all about - being conscious of what I am doing with my days, being aware of the ways in which I look after myself.

I just want to feel compelled to exercise. I want to yearn for exercise, to enthuse about it - and I don't, although I do relish a walk these days. So, I am setting myself a mini-target. I am going to 'DO' exercise five days out of the next seven. I shall set time aside for biking and exercise DVDs. I am hoping that the more I do, the more I'll enjoy it and feel good for doing it. We'll see.

Hope you have a plan which is working for you.

Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement. ~ Foster C. McClellan

Going Back, Moving On.

Well, feeling really gung-ho over the weekend I ate sensibly and didn't feel deprived. I counted calories - I even made myself broccoli soup, own recipe, using a whole onion, a large head of broccoli, one carrot that was skulking around and some chicken stock. Boiled up with a pinch of salt and black pepper, plus a few dried herbs, and then whizzed up with my stick blender - and that's what I ate on Saturday evening...with a slice of granary bread. Yummy and filling. I was a bit of a slacker where exercise was concerned though - not using the bike, not walking. No one to blame but me. I didn't use my time wisely. I could have fitted in some exercise but I deliberately avoided the bike, which is parked in front of my TV (a bit of an eyesore in my sitting room really, but for now it reminds me -sometimes - that I could be sitting on it pedalling instead of lounging around on the sofa when I watch the telly.)

Today (Monday) my man took a day off work because he was having his gas boiler serviced. The gas man had been and gone by 9.30am, so we went out for the day. We are members of the National Trust so we go out to visit stately homes and gardens in the vicinity. It was a cloudy day, but dry, so we drove to a grand house in the countryside, but, man being useless with instructions and directions, didn't notice that it closed on Mondays during some weeks of the year. This was one of those weeks. We drove up the long tree-lined driveway and parked anyway. Even the gardens were closed. However, just up the lane was a stile and a path to the parish church, winding over fields and through woodland. I insisted we walk it, because old churches and graveyards can be so interesting (I think!) I wanted to walk, to stretch my legs and it was good to be out in the countryside, far from the madding crowd. The path was strewn with red, gold and brown crispy autumn leaves and it wound past a stream, complete with ducks and a field full of grazing sheep. We were completely alone in the middle of nowhere...miles from the roads. All was still and quiet. At the end of the long and winding path was a gated archway and the path leading to the church door.

The old stone church was tiny but very pretty. Sadly, it's a sign of the times that it's big studded oak doors were locked. I tried to turn the big iron ring handle, but modern locks on the inside of the door were in place. Whatever happened to seeking sanctuary in a church? Shame, because I like looking round old churches in the gloom (they are always quite dark) imagining who might have worshipped in them over the years..admiring the stained glass windows, the leaded lights, the worn flagstones on the floor, the wooden pews, the amazing and intricate stone carving of the pillars.

The church yard was also fascinating. Many of the ancient tomb stones had weathered and the inscriptions couldn't be read, but some humongous Victorian stones stood proud and tall, decorated with ostentatious carvings of angels, chains, anchors AND creepily, small skulls, the eye sockets black and gloomy, the teeth fixed in a grimace. What a cruel reminder to the living that this is how we end up! :)Ooooh. They feared death did those Victorians but they knew how to mark their final resting place too.

Whole families were buried together...and sadly, not many lived to grand old ages. It was also really moving to notice that the children of the family often didn't make it into adulthood, victims of their time I suppose, struck down with incurable deadly diseases or by life's hardships. The Lord and Lady of the Parish and their relatives had massive plots, surrounded by iron railings to keep out the commoners, and their pets were buried in small graves beside them.

Wow. So much history in such a short visit...The birds sang, the sheep stared, disturbed by people walking close by. It was so peaceful and beautiful. It was also a reminder I suppose that life is fleeting and precious. We were here, all alone in the middle of a leafy patch of England, walking down the path which so many generations had walked before. This is our time on the planet. Our time and space, and really, aren't we bloody lucky that we have modern medicine, and technology which makes our lives so much easier than those of the people whose remains lie in that churchyard?

Man and I walked back to the car hand in hand...appreciating that we were in our fifties, and this was OUR time. The wierd thing is - my body may not be wonderful, but it has served me well, and inside - this is so strange - inside I am still a girl, a young woman. I have wisdom born out of living five decades and a bit but in my head I am still the person I was at 25...but a wiser, more confident, more balanced person. If only I knew then what I know now. I have experienced so much over the years...good and bad times, and times when I felt if life dealt me one more blow I'd stay down. I'd not bounce back like I had before, but strangely, we do. Life is a wonderful thing...despite it's knocks. We are made of strong stuff and I want the years ahead to be good ones. I want to be strong and healthy and I want to enjoy however much of this life I have left. Our children have grown up and become reasonably independent. We have our health (mostly!) and strength (when it doesn't run out!) and so much to be grateful for.

We jumped into our 'horseless carriage' and made our way down the long sweeping drive, away from the grand house, now empty, but which had been a home to so many people over the last centuries. I imagined the horses and riders who might have galloped up to the house, and the ladies, in their big skirts and finery, sitting in horse-drawn carriages. There'd have been weather-beaten men and women - and their children, working on the land, in the fields surrounding the house. In my mind's eye I could see them all.

Back to the here and now and an appreciation of how different life is today. How am I going to make the best of my days? The ease of modern living has made us fat. The pressures and stresses that come with it often make us ill. We have easier lives but it's ironic that we knowingly live unhealthy lives too. We weren't designed to sit around, drive everywhere, not walk, and eat and eat and eat until we feel stuffed. I need a dose of reality sometimes to remind me that I too will be pushing up daisies some day.

I have spent so much of my life in a fat suit - not all of it - I was wonderfully slim at times - and at times slightly rounded, but never obese as I am now. I have been out of shape, unfit, lazy, self-indulgent and allowed my body to become so big that I am not happy with the way I look. In the great scheme of things, that's not a lot to be truly bothered about but even though I laugh lots and have good times, this is a cloud hanging over me. It's about health and it's about vanity too. Being fat is ageing. I have aged - it comes to us all, I am past my prime, but I feel I have lost part of me along with my confidence, if that makes sense? I have become invisible, rounded, matronly. I want to stop the rot.

I could read every single book on self-esteem ever printed, every web site pronouncing we are truly beautiful inside yet still hate looking at photographs of myself. I know all the 'love yourself' stuff, yet I still feel self conscious when I walk into a room, I still feel like the fat one when I meet up with friends. I know I am much more than my size, of course I am, but if my size makes me unhappy, why have I delayed doing something about it - mending my ways?

OK so all the psychological reasons surrounding our lifestyle, mental blocks, food addiction, our over-eating and obesity can be brought into the ring too - but at the end of the day, we are the only ones who can fix the parts of ourselves which hold us back. We have to mend ourselves. All the talking, therapy, writing, self-reflection, and self-esteem courses in the world can't help us unless our thinking is clear and we decide we'll eat fewer calories and exercise more. We all know that's not as easy as it sounds either.

If I don't make the most of myself now, when will I? When I am a pensioner, sitting in an old folks home relying on carers to dress me, toilet me and feed me? It ain't gonna happen then, is it? I won't be able to hold a mirror or stand up in front of one, never mind apply make up and do my hair or care about my clothes. Will I make old bones and have an old age?

All I know is, earlier today in that ancient church yard the old cliche 'Carpe Diem' was ringing through my head. 'Carpe' translates literally as 'pluck' - it refers to the picking of fruit, so a more accurate view is 'enjoy the day, pluck the day when it is ripe'. The extended version of the phrase 'carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero' translates as (I discovered - isn't the interweb wonderful?)  'Pluck the day, trusting as little as possible in the future'. Make hay while the sun shines. Gather ye rosebuds while you may.

Who knows what the future holds? How many of us have wasted our days, months, years wallowing in fat misery? It's a hard place to move on from, I know that only too well. However, if today is all we have, don't we owe it to ourselves, fat or not, to seize it, to make the most of it? This is it folks. This is the life we have.

Don't we owe it to ourselves to do something with our days, even if the only thing we achieve is a day of healthy eating? We can do that. Life can be cruel, hard and it can knock us down. It's not always easy to think about self-care, but if we can make today a day in which we have tried to look after our bodies, isn't that a day well spent no matter what our circumstances, and an investment in our tomorrows?

My walk today had me thinking. We cannot wait until some golden age when all will be well, and we of course will be slim and fit. Don't waste today thinking about eating, and er, eating some more, and then er...snacks, followed by naps and TV and erm....more junk food, and eating and eating and um...what next...loafing about doing nothing much. That's how to waste life. Instead, plan tomorrow's healthy meals, trusting that today will end well, and tomorrow will be even better.

That's what I am trying to do. I don't always succeed fully but I am conscious that how I spend my days is how I spend my life. Sometimes we need the realisation that time is flying by. I am contented with my lot. I could tweak my life and make it healthier. That's my plan. I don't want to waste my life wishing, hoping, dreaming about a body I can be proud of. I don't want to live in Never Never Land or that place over the rainbow where dreams come true. I want to start walking towards a healthier, slimmer me today, appreciating all I have right now, enjoying life AND looking after number one while I have the days to do it. If I don't look after myself, no one else will. Same applies to you.

Seize the day. Yes?   x x x


For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.
 ~ Fr. Alfred D'Souza



Planning to Succeed.

Saturday, and it's been a lovely lazy day without too much pressure. My man is at his football game, with his brother and son, following his beloved team to Manchester. One of my sons is out, the other in, and preparing to go out. (I think there is a woman on the scene. Cave man rocker boy is sprucing up, hair cut, new T shirt and smelling good. We women know the signs...) and I have the evening to myself. Daughter phoned. She and her man are going out for a meal with friends this evening. All is well. (When my kids and man are OK I tend to be too.)

I have planned an evening on the sofa with the cat and a chick-flick. (The cat tells me he prefers all action adventure films, but tough he watches what I want or goes out to hunt mice.) No wine sadly, no crispy garlic bread (oh, pine, pine and wail!) but I HAVE to be firm with myself.

Yesterday I had a bit of a personal shake up. I knew I was getting by with doing as little as possible, eating what I wanted, which wasn't excessive (less than 1900 calories) but was certainly more than I should have had if I want to lose weight - given the only 'exercise' I had was walking around doing shopping. I was being self-indulgent, sluggish and not really conscious of my weight-loss goals. It was OK - no beating up going on, but when I went to bed last night I couldn't sleep. I tried, I lay there but sleep wouldn't come.

I got up, had a big glass of water and turned on the PC and went straight to a calorie counting site, joined and totted up my food totals for yesterday.



Then I made a meal plan for today...a sensible and healthy breakfast lunch and dinner, allowing a banana and a small bag of Ryvita Minis as a snack. I turned the PC off,went back to bed and fell asleep immediately! 1300 calories is the plan plus at LEAST 40 mins exercise per day..two lots of twenty minutes if necessary but I shall do it, every day.

It's now late afternoon and I am on track..and feeling better for tightening up my plan. Every night, before bed, I shall draw up my menus for the next day...looking at the food groups and calories of my choices. I'll also ensure I have all the foods I need in the fridge or cupboard. I think planning has to be essential for me. I am planning to succeed. I have to - or be content to stay the way I am. What do the motivational speakers say?  "Fail to plan - plan to fail."

Now..all I have to do is exercise. I had ten minutes on the bike in front of the TV before I was disturbed. I have cleaned the kitchen and washed the floor, to music, so exaggerated limb extensions going on as well with my microphone mop. Lots of bending and stretching too. I am planning to go for a brisk walk in a minute before it gets dark. I'll walk down the hill and up the hill - long, steep hills, to the local supermarket. OK so I'll have to walk on a main road - it's not ideal having traffic passing by, but it's a walk. I can't use that as an excuse. It's not gym-level activity, but it is essential movement given I was turning into a house-bound slug (and enjoying every minute of it!)

I have kicked out the slug. I have my shoes on.....

Houston, we have lift off.