Sunday, 7 November 2010

The Art of Self Esteem.

I was thinking the other day that I really ought to treat myself better. I ought to love myself more. If I did hold myself in high regard, I'd surely look after myself well and treat my body kindly and with respect.

Fat people tend not to do that. Their body becomes the 'punching bag' for all of life's ills, disappointments, regrets, heart-aches. We take it out on our digestive systems. We put too much food into our stomachs and have our bodies deal with it. We enjoy eating. It soothes us. We over-eat. The chances are that we make no big effort to exercise off our big meals or our plentiful snacks either. We slowly, slowly become plump, then rotund, then blobby, then obese...really fat. I don't think the term 'morbidly obese' existed when I was a child in the 60s. If it did it wasn't bandied around as it is today.

"When you love yourself, you invest in your personal growth and development. You endeavour to be the best that you can be, and you strive to achieve your potential."

Ha ha ha. I read that (above) in an article entitled "Love Yourself" or something similar. We have heard it or read it all before, right? Well, on the surface it makes perfect sense, but I suspect that even the slimmest, most gorgeous specimens of human beauty are wired to find fault with themselves in some way or another :) We can so easily bring ourselves down, can't we? I hold up my hands to being able to do that really well.

I could write a list now of all the things that make me a wonderful individual. It would be quite a long list too. You could do that as well. We all could.

So, if there is so much about us that is really good and worth hanging on to, why do (most) overweight people dislike themselves so much?  I have to say now that I wrote recently about being too comfortable with myself and my lifestyle. I only become down and depressed about my shape when I consciously see that I am fat...Certain situations bring me down, photos of me are depressingly horrible and I am always aware when I am the fattest person in the room, because I scan the room and make comparisons. Awful, but I do. Some situations trigger self-loathing of the body, but I am contented and happy otherwise.

Now we all know that we live in an age where we are bombarded with images of human perfection. Most of the still images have been airbrushed and most of the animated ones have had thousands of pounds worth of beauty treatments lavished on them. They also have the benefits of having make-up artists and hairdressers following them around. They have life coaches and physical fitness coaches as part of their entourage. It's not a real world....very few people inhabit those realms, yet we suddenly have a new guage, a new level of gorgeousness that few of us can aspire to.

We tell ourselves this and we know it to be true, yet all of a sudden, to be overweight is an indication that we are couch potatoes, fairly worthless nonentities who stuff our faces full of food and slob about all day. We become invisible. We are overlooked for jobs...we just don't measure up.

Pah! No wonder our self esteem takes a beating.

Anyway....popular thinking tells us that when you love yourself you automatically take care of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally.  Do fat people do that? Not often. You take care to look and feel your best by nurturing your body, mind and spirit.

So....if fatties don't do that (and most of us don't take care of ourselves properly, do we?) then surely we have to start appreciating ourselves more and caring for ourselves every single day? It's crucial I'd say.

If we don't love ourselves enough, we are told to start taking care of our body and our mind and spirit. If our self esteem is low, we can raise it - right now. Today. In really, properly caring for ourselves we'll become more self-aware, and we'll hopefully generate feelings of self-worth and accomplishment when we do sort out our diet and exercise programme. The more you do, the more success you achieve, the better you feel about yourself in all areas. We only have to read the blogs of successful slimmers to see that their confidence has soared and that they can accomplish things they wouldn't have dreamed of attempting when they were overweight and full of self doubt.

I have a big glass of water by my keyboard. I have not had a good eating day today...but tomorrow doesn't have to follow the same pattern. Long term goals are no good for me, but on a daily basis I can keep myself motivated. One day at a time I will stick to my plan, and every day that I do faithfully eat well and make the effort to exercise, the more I'll begin to love myself more. I am banking on those small daily achievements boosting my self esteem. I have given up on myself for too long. I allow myself to fail. When I fail I continue to chip away at my own self-worth.

 I don't want to grow any fatter, but I do want to grow lots of healthy self-esteem.

Do you love yourself enough? Have you decided you are worth the enormous effort it takes to do this, day after day after day?  These are the days of our lives after all. We owe it to ourselves to make them good ones.


  1. You are correct about this being the days of our lives. I ate crazy on Thursday, but got back on track Friday. I am worth the effort it is taking to lose this weight.

  2. Hi Grump,

    First, thanks for the comment on my blog. I'm glad you enjoyed my post.

    I really don't think overweight people are any different from the majority in terms of liking or disliking themselves. People of all weights eat or don't eat junk. I'm sure we all know slim people who eat poorly and there are lots of heavy people who eat well. We just cannot judge a book by its cover.

    And as for those people who seem to have it all together...they don't. We're just always comparing ourselves to others.

    Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to give you an honest, heart-felt compliment: I've been reading your blog for several months and have noticed that while you have gone through your fair share of ups and downs, groans and moans, fun times and bad times, you have actually been losing a bit of weight very slowly but rather steadily. And my predication is that you will continue to do so while others will have lost perhaps significantly more weight than you and then regained it all, plus some more. You will come out a winner, whether you like it or not!

    All the best to you, as always!

  3. That's prediction, not predication!

  4. Thank you NM. All compliments gratefully accepted :)

    It's happening very slowly and sporadically.

    I'm still having to resist the urge to dive head first into a plate of cream cakes though. I suppose I am learning that one, every now and then is OK and that helps. I'll have it and enjoy it without guilt, and that's what keeps me on the path.

  5. Grump: By George, I think you've got it!

  6. I saw an article recently about the "difference between self-kindness & self-esteem" - I even grabbed the story's link to blog about it (if I get to it...) but the gist was that we should put more of our efforts into "self kindness" because it's more in our control.

    I found it really interesting