I Took The Road Less Travelled, And Got Lost!

Hmmm. That was yesterday. After getting roadside assistance yesterday for my dead car I was towed into a garage. (That was a strange experience - being towed in busy traffic!) The mechanic from the AA asked me to start the car and all we got was a painful whine...straight away he knew what was wrong. The cam belt had gone. Cam belt anyone? *Shrugs in girly way and grimaces in embarrassed ignorance.* He told me it was going to be a 'big job'. Sigh. Anyway, my son is a trainee mechanic, so I phoned his boss and asked if they could do my car repair and he kindly told me to bring it in so I was towed to his garage where son's job today will be to 'strip down the engine'. (I can't believe that my little boy, my baby, is so grown up that he can now do that and get paid for it.)  I have no idea how I will pay for it, and I know my lad's lovely boss will give me a discounted price but I can't (and don't) expect them to do a big job for nothing. Wonder if I could pay in installments? No. That would embarass my son beyond belief. I know my man would pay for it but he isn't going to. No way. I shan't even tell him it's a problem. OK, so I am proud, but he is not a meal ticket or a bank...I pay my own way. I may have to ask daughter to lend me money until next month. Jeeze. In my fifties and it comes to this....I can't believe it. I hate, hate, hate being in this situation.

So car-less, I had to walk back from the garage, some two miles away from home. We are experiencing incredible temperatures all over the UK at the moment so the sun was beating down as I walked. I thought I'd try a new route home, a path I thought might be a short-cut. It wasn't. It brought me through waste land, bushes, shrubs, dusty tracks...and suddenly all the land-marks I knew had disappeared. I kept going but was aware I was probably even further away from home..but I told myself the exercise was good for me. I don't mind walking but so few people were doing anything in the sun yesterday. It was just TOO hot. I just can't walk slowly unless I am with someone. Then I can stroll, but alone - no, I have to go at a fast pace. I don't like dawdlers who block foot paths. I always over-take them. So, on the road less travelled and completely alone, one fat woman kept trudging on, sweating profusely. (OK 'perspiring' for those of a more sensitive disposition.) Do you ever feel slightly vulnerable? I was beginning to. I was in the middle of nowhere, in the countryside, on the edge of a large town and completely alone and vaguely lost. I did the 'strong woman' walk...the one where you walk purposefully, swinging arms, looking determined, in my best "don't mess with me" mode. (I always imagine that when I am out in the open and there is no one about I am in the exact location chosen by a mad axeman...and he is lurking behind a tree, sharpening his blade. Yeah. I hit myself often.) Anyway, all this 'looking purposeful' is quite exhausting, so when I finally found a road with some houses on it I was mightily relieved! I just wanted to get home. This two mile fast walk had become a much longer one..lasting about an hour and a half. Twenty minute mile....so I'd perhaps gone round in circles for four miles or more!

Phew. What a work-out. Yesterday I had to abandon my car and walk home to get all my documents, re-arrange things and phone around. I could only make a few calls in McDonalds's. I walked three miles home in the morning, and three miles back to the car later on, to wait for the AA mechanic to rescue me. Six miles, in the heat. Then another four miles back from the garage. I walked ten miles yesterday! (I am a reasonably fit fat woman.) Now, surely I melted off some of my blubber, my weight? Nope. I weighed myself last night and the scales showed no change. This morning I weigh one miserable pound less than I did last week!

So, despite my being quite active during the week...much, much more active than I was before I began this campaign, I am not shedding pounds. I have given up calorific alcohol, most sweet goodies, I don't buy biscuits and cakes, not one scrap of pastry has passed my lips, I have never liked chocolate much, and I am eating smaller portions of food. I am drinking gallons of water. Nothing is fried (but I don't fry foods at home, ever, except eggs, occasionally. I didn't ever fry food before this campaign either, as greasy foods tend to make me feel very uncomfortable since my abdominal operations.) Is my post-menopausal metabolism so sluggish that it doesn't recognise that I am trying really hard to be a healthier version of me?

I am wondering if I need to join WW or something. Am I doing it all wrong, even though I keep a food journal? OK, so I need to up the exercise, but if I have to be a woman who 'goes for the burn' I'll lose heart. I want to be fit but not an athlete. I want my body to move and it does...and it could be fitter, I know that but I am beginning to dispair that all my efforts have been in vain. I know I might see a bigger loss when I weigh myself next week, and I know I am lighter than I used to be, but losing weight SO slowly is very disheartening. I don't want to lose my way again. My lifestyle now is different from the one I used to have. I am conscious of leading a healthier life, but it looks like I am still going round in unproductive circles, like I did yesterday : (

I am reminded...when I was a student I used to laugh with friends and we'd tell each other to "Keep on truckin' baby" because the Eddie Kendricks song was in the charts at the time. (1970s) We still say "Keep on truckin' " when we say farewell at the end of our now middle-aged girly reunions.

Oh well. I have to walk to get anywhere now. I'll keep on truckin'. I shan't quit. Like I said yesterday, every cloud has a silver lining. I am off to buy some cottage cheese, more fizzy water, and milk. Hmm. Some heavy things to carry back. Walking and weight-lifting today. Let's hope I don't get lost again.

'The longest journey begins with a single step.'

- Lao Tsu, Tao Te Ching <~~ (You just know he really meant 'Keep on Truckin' baby.")