The scales are not faulty, nor are my expectations but I think my outlook is. I haven't lost the plot...I have lost one stone as of today - that's 14lbs - but I don't feel spurred on. Yes, that in itself is a success. I am one stone lighter, but my progress has been SO slow. The word 'frustration' just doesn't cover the way I feel.
I have avoided most of the things I love to eat. I have cut them out. I have made sensible choices when eating out, and if and when I have over-indulged I have recorded it. I am conscious of my eating patterns and choices.I can't remember when I last had a glass of wine or an ice cream, or a pizza or a doughnut. (You can find out when I last tucked into doughnuts - I blogged about it.)
I read this (below) a few days ago...and all I can say to whoever came up with this gem is...fuck right off.
“When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your coveted goal.”
I think my plan is sound. OK, so I could become a gym bunny - but that's not going to happen. I can't afford membership and even if I could, my past history of gym membership indicates that I probably wouldn't go. I don't feel fired up by sessions at the gym. It's a drag getting there..it's a drag going and working through the equipment...I clock-watch and want it to be over. So shoot me down gym enthusiasts. I don't care. I am not one of you and that doesn't make me a bad person.
I could cut out carbs, but I am not going to...This has to be for life and I have cut down on them considerably. I have no car right now and fixing it is going to be a long job (son and his co workers are doing it in their own time to save me money)...so I have to walk and use buses to get anywhere. I don't mind. It's inconvenient, that's for sure - all those used to having a car and suddenly finding themselves without one would say the same but it's not the end of the world. It might be a blessing in disguise. I like walking. I am reasonably fit and walk fast and once I get going I can walk and walk. It doesn't bother me.
I am middle aged, I am post-menopausal, I do take lots of prescribed medication every day - some of which can cause weight gain. I am not using those things as excuses though. They are facts. I am a fat woman trying to lose her blubber, but wondering why I am bothering to blog about my life and efforts.
For months now I have been a woman acting sensibly (for the most part.) I am moving - walking more, using equipment at home, cycling on the exercise bike, dancing vigorously once a day at least (saddo that I am) and consciously keeping busy round the house and in the garden and avoiding sitting for any length of time. I am not kidding myself when I say my life has changed for the better. But the weight doesn't fall off. I am losing heart, and even though I have kind readers spurring me on with positive vibes and suggestions I really feel like giving up. Not giving up completely...but not making such a big deal of 'doing this' - ie: telling people I have a weight-loss blog. My blog is a bit of a joke. I am sort of recording the way NOT to do it. I don't have that drive...so perhaps I am a fraud. A middle aged fat woman who just likes writing.
I am not likely to inspire anyone...I'll keep on doing what I am doing but it would be SO easy to pig-out, to comfort eat and stuff my face...to give up, and easily gain..in a couple of days or so, the 14lbs I have lost. I shan't. I am not stupid, but I do feel down. I am pleased to have lost a stone. I am a stone lighter and that has to be good...but boy, has it been a struggle to keep on keeping on. How on earth does one motivate oneself to stay on a plan when the rewards are drip-fed to me? Yeah, slow and steady wins the race, but my progress is slug-like. There HAVE to be rewards along the way...but look at when I started blogging. The rewards haven't been coming.
My fault? I'll hold up my hands if necessary, but I can't be something I am not...I am not going to become a marathon runner... and I am not going to join a gym...nor do I like the idea of WW or other slimming clubs. This is my down-fall? I feel quite indignant that these seem to be the only ways open to me. My own "live healthily" campaign is crap in terms of getting results....crap in terms of motivating a person to keep on, yet I am doing everything the health experts advise. I have to all of a sudden become something I am not? I really can understand why people remain fat. If I lost the plot, would you blame me? This is my struggle...and I am being honest, not defeatist. 'Keep going' will be the sensible advice, and keep going is what I am telling myself...but yes, today I don't like the plot. The story isn't moving along fast enough and I am losing interest. This may be a book I put down.
PS: Please don't hear a whine. I am one angry woman telling it like it is. Here - have another quotation - one I think makes sense.