Friday, 9 July 2010

Losing the Plot - Losing Heart.

I wonder if there ever was a plot. If there was, it was about a heroine who was too laid-back, too comfortable, too easy-going to strive for her goal. Things were going on around her but she was short-sighted and unable to - if this is chick-lit - get her man. If this is the story of a woman dieting she had faulty scales and faulty expectations...just to make the story interesting, you understand.

The scales are not faulty, nor are my expectations but I think my outlook is. I haven't lost the plot...I have lost one stone as of today - that's 14lbs - but I don't feel spurred on. Yes, that in itself is a success. I am one stone lighter, but my progress has been SO slow. The word 'frustration' just doesn't cover the way I feel.

I have avoided most of the things I love to eat. I have cut them out. I have made sensible choices when eating out, and if and when I have over-indulged I have recorded it. I am conscious of my eating patterns and choices.I can't remember when I last had a glass of wine or an ice cream, or a pizza or a doughnut. (You can find out when I last tucked into doughnuts - I blogged about it.)

I read this (below) a few days ago...and all I can say to whoever came up with this gem is...fuck right off.

“When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your coveted goal.”

I think my plan is sound. OK, so I could become a gym bunny - but that's not going to happen. I can't afford membership and even if I could, my past history of gym membership indicates that I probably wouldn't go. I don't feel fired up by sessions at the gym. It's a drag getting's a drag going and working through the equipment...I clock-watch and want it to be over. So shoot me down gym enthusiasts. I don't care. I am not one of you and that doesn't make me a bad person.

I could cut out carbs, but I am not going to...This has to be for life and I have cut down on them considerably. I have no car right now and fixing it is going to be a long job (son and his co workers are doing it in their own time to save me money) I have to walk and use buses to get anywhere. I don't mind. It's inconvenient, that's for sure - all those used to having a car and suddenly finding themselves without one would say the same but it's not the end of the world. It might be a blessing in disguise. I like walking. I am reasonably fit and walk fast and once I get going I can walk and walk. It doesn't bother me.

I am middle aged, I am post-menopausal, I do take lots of prescribed medication every day - some of which can cause weight gain. I am not using those things as excuses though. They are facts. I am a fat woman trying to lose her blubber, but wondering why I am bothering to blog about my life and efforts.

For months now I have been a woman acting sensibly (for the most part.) I am moving - walking more, using equipment at home, cycling on the exercise bike, dancing vigorously once a day at least (saddo that I am) and consciously keeping busy round the house and in the garden and avoiding sitting for any length of time. I am not kidding myself when I say my life has changed for the better. But the weight doesn't fall off. I am losing heart, and even though I have kind readers spurring me on with positive vibes and suggestions I really feel like giving up. Not giving up completely...but not making such a big deal of 'doing this' - ie: telling people I have a weight-loss blog. My blog is a bit of a joke. I am sort of recording the way NOT to do it. I don't have that perhaps I am a fraud. A middle aged fat woman who just likes writing.

I am not likely to inspire anyone...I'll keep on doing what I am doing but it would be SO easy to pig-out, to comfort eat and stuff my give up, and easily a couple of days or so, the 14lbs I have lost. I shan't. I am not stupid, but I do feel down. I am pleased to have lost a stone. I am a stone lighter and that has to be good...but boy, has it been a struggle to keep on keeping on. How on earth does one motivate oneself to stay on a plan when the rewards are drip-fed to me? Yeah, slow and steady wins the race, but my progress is slug-like. There HAVE to be rewards along the way...but look at when I started blogging. The rewards haven't been coming.

My fault? I'll hold up my hands if necessary, but I can't be something I am not...I am not going to become a marathon runner... and I am not going to join a gym...nor do I like the idea of WW or other slimming clubs. This is my down-fall? I feel quite indignant that these seem to be the only ways open to me. My own "live healthily" campaign is crap in terms of getting results....crap in terms of motivating a person to keep on, yet I am doing everything the health experts advise. I have to all of a sudden become something I am not? I really can understand why people remain fat. If I lost the plot, would you blame me? This is my struggle...and I am being honest, not defeatist. 'Keep going' will be the sensible advice, and keep going is what I am telling myself...but yes, today I don't like the plot. The story isn't moving along fast enough and I am losing interest. This may be a book I put down.

PS: Please don't hear a whine. I am one angry woman telling it like it is. Here - have another quotation - one I think makes sense.

"Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure”
George E. Woodberry quotes (American poet, critic, and teacher, 1855-1930)


  1. Your progress is really quite reasonable. You've lost about a pound a week (just a shade less). This may feel slow, and it's not fast, but it's actually pretty reasonable, especially given your situation (age, medication). Just keep in mind that this isn't a race, and the changes have to be lifelong so you should move slowly and be at sustainable levels. It's better to lose a pound a week (or even less) and to keep it off than to lose fast and then regain later because you never adapted to your altered levels of consumption and enhanced movement.

    This isn't a way "not to do it." In fact, this is a good way to do it - change what you can, slowly but steadily, and lose at a slow pace. Slow is better for your body and easier for your life.

    I can understand why you are discouraged, and think it might be helpful for you to write down your expectations and then consider what you would have to do in order to meet them. Would you feel better at 2 lbs. a week? Four? What would be a more adequate level of reward for your effort?

    After you consider your expectations, then you should analyze what would be necessary to meet them. It's all about a balance. If you cut out 500 calories a day, and you are near or under 200 lbs. and not exercising much, you will lose about a lb. a week. If you want to lose more, you'll have to step up the exercise (a lot) or cut out many more calories.

    I'm not suggesting you do this so that you modify your actions. I'm suggesting it for perspective. If you balance expectations against required effort/sacrifices, you might start to feel more adequately rewarded for your 14 lbs. to date.

    I try to see it in terms of analogies - if you work 80 hours a week, your paycheck is a lot bigger, but is the bigger paycheck worth sacrificing all of your free time? Is it better for you to work 40 hours for half the pay and enjoy your free time? I think weight loss is the same. You can live more comfortably and lose more slowly, or you can suffer more and deprive yourself and lose faster.

    I don't know if it'll help, but I do believe you are doing pretty well. I think you might want to start working out some of the mental issues. You're fighting things, and you might want to consider why and what motivates those feelings. It's easy to call yourself names or ascribe your actions to character traits, but it's probably more complicated than that. Most of us are the way we are for a reason. We feel deprived when we don't eat certain foods not because they fill a need - either a habitual one or an emotional one. Just some food for thought, and best wishes to you.

  2. Grump: There will be NO pep talk from me. Damn the plans and goals and schedules and scales. But keep on writing. Jo

  3. Be angry, but keep on keeping on as you are slowly peeling back the weight. It went on slowly I'm sure and it's coming off the same way. If you weren't doing what you're doing, not only would you not have lost that stone, but you'd have put on weight, perhaps as much as you've managed to remove.

    So, if you compare what you might have weighed by now with where you are, you might count the difference as two stones. That success is from your changes. You can't assume if you'd not changed your eating you'd have stayed at that weight you started. So I count your blessings at twice what you do.

    Well done.

  4. I think you are doing okay, we all get frustraded sometimes. I say damn the scales and full speed ahead. You can do this..

  5. It took me 6 months to lose 21 lbs. I put back on 4 over the winter and am back down two whole pounds this summer. Yeah, it's slow and miserable but I'm still down 19 lbs from a year ago. The way I was going I'd be up another 10 had I not made those changes. You could look at it that I'm about 30 lbs better off than I would have been. That's not so shabby. So you are down 14lbs-- how much were you gaining per year before and where would you be now had you not turned things around? Turning the ship around takes time. Keep at 'er.

    I like your blog, keep writing.


  6. You've only been at this a few weeks!! It takes time. A pound a week is exactly what you want to loose if you want to keep it off. Too fast and you are probably doing things you won't be able to sustain.

    Don't know if you read this post but you should: