How Structured Are Your Days?

Well, somewhere along the way, I've lost weight. Three pounds to be precise (or not very precise actually as I don't own a digital scale.) I feel lighter, and strangely, my shoes feel looser! I blog but like my scale I don't tend to do detail as far as weight loss goes. In fact, one day last week I lost my scale. It was hidden under a pile of fresh laundry I'd dumped in my bedroom. I have to say, I didn't start frantically searching for it! :)

I am not sure that I get much of a thrill from seeing the number go down. To my mind, jumping on a scale too often indicates a preoccupation with weight loss...and being preoccupied with what I eat and how I move does make me a bit irritable. It just doesn't seem natural. I have spent nearly half a century without being overly concerned with my weight. I'd rather not be conscious of it all, even though I am aware that it's my aim to get some of this fat off my frame. In truth, it was all the hospital weigh-ins that I had so frequently in 2006, 2007, 2008 and 2009 which made me aware that my weight had crept up to an all-time high. (I was bed and house-bound and in pain for much of that time, so it's not surprising, but it's incredible how lack of movement can change a body so much!) Then, one Doctor mentioned heart-attacks and strokes because I was over-weight, and as my Mum used to say, "That put the willies up me!" (It was an innocent saying. I am sure there was no rude intention :) Mum never ever made reference to sexual stuff!)

Now, when did I last record my weight? I am not sure. Go back a few weeks may be? I know some people keep spread sheets and detailed records. I don't like that sort of detail. We are all different. I think my main preoccupation is that life goes on and it will not be governed by the food in front of me or the choices I have to make...nor will gym sessions be something I feel obliged to do. I have to eat and move..move lots more..and be aware that I need to lose weight...so choices have to be sensible. As I have said before, a restrictive diet and 'forbidden foods' will be my un-doing. The process has to be as natural as possible  - and you may have noticed that my progress isn't exactly speedy. I am OK with that I think. (Some days I want instant results...on others I just shrug.)

I do have all sorts of mental battles raging though, and I want to eliminate those as well. I am good at guilt-tripping myself...."I ought to, I should, I really mustn't ...etc" still figure quite largely in mental conversations with myself. I know I am capable of saying "To hell with this!" and eating all before me and not caring. I know I am not as careful as I should be when I eat out, but I want to find inner peace too. I want this weight-loss process to feel perfectly natural...and not a plan of action forever at the front of my consciousness, which I can either adopt or neglect.

If I could, I'd turn the clock back to the days when I was 'average sized' - not fat but not thin. I had a frame with flesh on it, but no bulges or spare tyres of fat. I had one firm chin, and no bat-wings below my upper arms. Then I was always rushing about. I didn't do formal exercise, ever, apart from swimming for pleasure when we went on holiday. I'd walk everywhere and not spend the hours sitting at a computer as I do now, because home computers just weren't around! I lived in the days before televisions had remote controls! I didn't pass my driving test until I was 35, so I pushed my babies everywhere in their buggies. We walked for miles. I was much more house-proud then (energy begets energy?) and I tackled the garden with gusto too. I am older now, but back then I didn't tire easily and the days were always busy. Now, I could be busy but I seem to have no motivation to be busy just for the sake of it. Does that make sense? Having too much spare time and no money can be counter-productive to those trying to lose weight! Food punctuates the long days unless I take myself away from the kitchen and the house. I know just where and how the weight piled on and now I have to reverse that process, but I am finding it hard to do other things, given my main passions are reading and writing!

Now my days are what I make them. They have very little structure. I have to create a structure or I could idle about all day. I don't have set times to do anything, except get up out of bed in the morning. Nothing is urgent any more, and with more leisure time I ought to be able to devote time to me..but....I have never been the sort of woman who went in for pampering or beauty treatments. I still hate visiting the hairdressers and making small-talk. Oh I can do it - I am very chatty, but I'd rather not be stuck in a chair and feeling obliged to discuss my weekend plans.

Son is home to keep me company. I was up bright and early as usual, listening to the radio, ironing shirts and making a packed lunch for son..(turkey sandwiches using wholemeal bread, a small box of salad, an apple, a banana, a small bunch of grapes and a cereal bar) and once number one son was out of the house I made breakfast for me and son no 2. I had mine, at 8am, in my dressing gown, with a pot of tea, watching re-runs of Frasier on TV! Bliss! I am lucky in so many ways and something that still holds so much pleasure for me is not having to rush out of the house at the crack of dawn, to drive in rush-hour traffic to a demanding job. The novelty still hasn't worn off,  after five years at home.

However, the day stretches out before me, and I have to structure it. I could set aside time for exercise, but in doing that I'd feel put out, grumpy.....angry that it has to be done. No...I do it when the feeling takes me, which I know is wrong, wrong wrong...but the feeling can come over me at any time. I'll find myself jogging on the spot whilst the kettle boils for tea, or doing overhead stretches while I listen to the radio and wait for the bread in the toaster to pop out. I have movement on my mind and even tiny spurts of it seem to invigorate this woman with a hatred of formal exercise sessions! :)

Although there are many jobs around the house demanding attention, I never feel inclined to do them! I really could laze my day away, but I'd be doing myself no favours. I need a boss! :)

Oh well, I am off out for a walk. I have done my computing for today and my writing too. I have a "Get Well Soon" card to buy for a friend in London, some medication to pick up for son just out of hospital and a couple of letters to post. I shall walk to the Post Office to buy stamps and take a long detour back home over the fields. There is a huge lake there and I'll take some crusts of bread to feed to the ducks and swans. I really ought to take my camera out with me when I walk. I love looking at pictures posted by other bloggers.

Just hope it doesn't rain! It's looking very overcast out there!

Wherever you are, I hope your day is going well and isn't too pressured.