Saturday, 8 May 2010

Doldrums, Stagnation and The Carpenters.

Feeling a bit bleugh this morning..or early afternoon. I feel listless, and not fired up. It would be so easy to sit and stuff my face. Why is food comforting?

DOLDRUMS: The dictionary definition.

a. A period of stagnation or slump.

b. A period of depression or unhappy listlessness.

a. A region of the ocean near the equator, characterized by calms, light winds, or squalls, hazardous to sailing boats.

Hey, I am feeling a bit down, but I can't stagnate just yet FFS! I have only just begun. Cue Carpenters song.

Altogether now, sing along.  This one is made for us.

We've only just begun to live,

White lace and promises (insert 'white, extra strong, reinforced gusset XXL big Bridget Jones knickers' and 'promises to self')
A kiss (an eating plan) for luck and we're on our way.
And yes, We've just begun.

Before the rising sun we fly, (or huff and puff into the day)
So many roads to choose (the cake or apple roads)
We start our walking and learn to run. (Ha ha ha! ME? Run?)
And yes, We've just begun.

Sharing horizons that are new to us,
Watching the signs (scales) along the way,
Talking it over just the two of us, (and anyone else who wants to read my blog)
Working together day to day (Yeah. Your encouragement has been SO good. Thank you.)

Together. (In blog world.)

And when the evening comes we smile, (if we've had a good day and because we feel more positive)
So much of life ahead  (so true)
We'll find a place where there's room to grow, (What? Fuck off. I have done with growing!)
And yes, We've just begun. (I have.You have too and you're getting there or there already!)

I am not feeling wonderful. I have a 'can't be bothered with anything' mood. If I had a cave I'd go to it and hibernate for a while, but I don't. I have to get on with it. No pigging out to soothe a damp, chilly May day. I have housework to do. Oh deep joy.

Oh. I shunned the pastries last night. It sounds like my life is one social whirl, because I was at ANOTHER birthday party last night. Can you believe it? Trust me - this is unusual. Loads of 'functions to go to but wierd that they are coming one week after another. This time it was my man's niece's birthday. She was 30 and had a 'do' at a pub. Music - good DJ. (Are they called DJs any more? Son tells me you call 'em MC Fatz Cyan Tiffick or something silly like that. My rocker son tells me MC stands for 'Musically Challenged'...but I digress.) Anyway. Big characterless pub given over to the event and typical pub food buffet was served. Not nice really. White bread, lots of it, cheap marge, cheap tasteless cheese - not that I had more than a nibble..pork pies, sausage rolls, vol au vents, more pastry than filling, scotch eggs, crisps, cheese and pineapple on sticks, salted peanuts, a small bowl of salad and chicken drumsticks. That was about it and cakes galore to follow. Not inspiring. I chose bread - a ham sandwich - which was fatty, an egg sandwich and God only knows how the person responsible for food managed to make it SO unpalatable. It was tasteless..watery mashed egg. Ugh. Had to fold it over and leave it on my plate. That stodgy white bread was gross.  I also had two pieces of chicken (I was hungry!) and as many tomatoes, pickled onions and lettuce leaves as I could grab without looking like a fat salad thief. I also loaded my plate with sticks of celery..(only used to garnish the pastry items...I don't think whoever prepared the food imagined someone would eat it!) I took every last bit of skin/fat off the chicken (I hate fat on meat) and I drank three glasses of soda water with a dash/hint of lime cordial added..They got that right. Nice tall glasses and lots of ice. I pretended it was a gin and tonic. No cake. No dancing. (I am too fat and self-conscious to strut my ain't a pleasant sight.)

It was easy to be good. I didn't feel deprived. I actually felt sorry for the people munching down those crisps and greasy pastry items. I have been quite discerning about the food I eat for a long time. My problem is the almost unconscious nibbling of goodies and treats, cakes, sweet things offered me, savoury things I like offered me and not moving. I tend not to buy junk - well, not in huge quantities. I am guilty of buying us treats and the odd 'sweet' thing on offer. That spoils our otherwise healthy eating. Not big quantities, but every now and then there are treats in the house - bought by me - and given I don't move much, fatness follows. My boys are active and slim. They burn off bits of junk and have no food hang-ups like me. I can't afford fast food take-aways any more. I have weaned myself off them, but know if someone was having a celebration at McDonalds I'd join in. No self-discipline really. I am half-way there in a limbo-land of wanting to do the right thing but being easily tempted! My man suggested we go out for 'an Indian' - a curry - this evening. That involves buttery, oily (but tasty!) sauces, rice, huge naan breads and deep fried poppadoms to start with. It has to be washed down with lager.

I heard myself saying "Ummm. Not good for me really." Where did that come from? I really don't want to pig out any more. This morning I am feeling just plain dreary. I don't want to do what I have to do, I just want to slob out and watch TV. I shan't because if I don't clean the house no one else will...same for the laundry. Sigh. Boring. I wanted to eat and eat this morning. There was a hole to fill. I ate Weetabix, two, and sprinkled them lightly with sugar, then a banana because 'sweet' is what I wanted. If I had chocolate now, or biscuits I'd be tempted to eat them. I shall have an early lunch instead..some lean, home-cooked ham and salad. I shall drink water. I FEEL hungry, but I am not. I am bored.

I am going to sing the Carpenters' song again, and then move my lardy arse. I ought to get some fresh air. Stagnation is my modus operandi and it has been for too long.


  1. Jeez! What a dismal day - spring, huh? Don't make me laugh - looks and feels like November here. Bleugh is dead right!

    Loved the re-worded Carpenter's song. It brought a big cheesy grin to my face and I find myself dusting and polishing with renewed vigour. Isn't housework a bind? Still the small of polish when you're done is a bit of a high - maybe it's the fumes though.

    Good going on food at that birthday bash. I've got a wonderful mental image of a 'fat salad thief' now (a mask and a striped shirt with a swag bag full of lettuce). Shame the food was so awful in one way, but it sounds so un-appetising that at least avoiding the bland but greasy pitfalls of your average buffet was less of a hassle.

    Hope your day gets loads better and Sunday brings a renewed sense of enthusiasm. Enjoy 'your' ham salad. It sounds loads nicer than last night's offerings!

  2. Grumpy: OMG you made me LOL with your rendition of the Carpenter's song. Right on! You are an excellent writer and make me laugh every single time I read your blog. In the last year I've noticed that I'm throwing away the people in my life that can't make me laugh and savoring those that do (Ms. M & B are two of the funniest people I know. Your comment on my blog yesterday brought a true tear to my eye. I know and hate this journey and it is women like you that make it even bearable. Carry on. Jo

  3. Fresh start this morning, isn't that a blessing? You have been such a great support to me on my blog and I thank you so much for that! I just know you are about to transform your life into the vision you have for yourself. Fake it til ya make it... sounds corny, but it helps :)

    Cheering you on over here... get some sun if you can!