'People know you for what you've done, not for what you plan to do.' ~ Author Unknown'Tis true. I am almost frightened to tell my nearest and dearest that I have a plan and intend to lose weight. I wonder why that is? Could it be that I am starting yet another half-hearted campaign, or could it be that I have no faith in my ability to do this?
I guess it matters to no one really, except my doctor, whether I remain fat or become thin - or at least get myself a decent BMI. I am lucky that I have a man who loves me just as I am, and kids who can see beyond the fat. My friends may secretly think I have become huge, but they don't mention it. I am my worst critic. I am gently encouraged by my man and my children to do more now I have retired from work. I suppose my whole reason for getting up in the morning was to go out to work. Now, even though I am still getting out of bed before 7am, my days stretch before me and if I have too much time on my hands I can bring myself down with introspection. I don't have any cheerleaders encouraging me to do my best in anything. Too much time to think is not a good thing, and having too much time to spend is sometimes counter-productive to weight-loss in that meals or snacks can tend to become the highlight of the day!
Today I have a dilemma, again involving food. (I always remind myself that in the great scheme of things if my food worries are my only dilemmas today, I am truly lucky.)
An old and dear friend phoned me last night - we bonded when we were divorcing our husbands - suggesting we drive out to a nearby town this afternoon. She has a buy-one-get-one-free voucher for lunch - a sandwich lunch followed by a cream tea - a very English thing involving fresh scones, butter, jam and thick clotted cream, served with a pot of tea. It's something most of us try when we go on holiday - definitely not the sort of artery-clogging food treat you'd have every day. Normally I'd lick my lips and say "Good idea! I'm in!" Last night when I put the phone down I thought "Oh dear. I really shouldn't be including a cream tea in my eating plan." However, if you have read any of my other entries you'll appreciate I find self-discipline isn't the easiest thing in the world for me!
However, I am eating only healthy things. This morning I had my usual banana, a small bowl of muesli with semi-skimmed milk and a tangerine. I had a small lump of low-fat cheese with a coffee. If I had a cream tea I'd be going off my 'eat anything at anytime but make sure it is natural, healthy and nutritious' plan. I really cannot justify eating butter and clotted cream...or come to that, a scone after a sandwich.
What I shall do is have the sandwich - I'll go for a plain tuna and salad one if I can - and have a scone with jam...and drink lots of tea. Damage limitation. I could have made an excuse not to go I suppose? That wasn't an option however. My friend did want my company today.
My eating plan isn't really a problem at all. It isn't a problem because you see, she asked me to go out with her today because it is the anniversary of her daughter's death. She didn't want to be alone all day. She lost her daughter when she was hit by a taxi in Africa. The taxi mowed her down as she walked towards the airport on her way home to see her Mum. She came home in a coffin.
Being fat is no problem at all really, and if it is, it's a problem we can rectify, by making an effort. I plan to lose weight and one day in the not too distant future, I hope people will appreciate that I have done it. I shan't be bothering my friend today with my "Oh I shouldn't really have a cream tea' thoughts.
I AM going to do this.