Friday, 21 May 2010

I Can't Decide Whether To Be A Good Example Or A Horrible Warning.

How on earth could I ever be a good dieting example? Have you seen my ticker? (Not my heart, my tracker thingy above.)

I am back to the beginning, as big as ever, because of a great week away in the sunshine, a good holiday where I ate, drank, laughed, enjoyed good company, fantastic weather and lovely surroundings. We visited some great restaurants and we cooked up some wonderful, flavoursome dishes at home. I also drank gallons of plain water, walked lots and lots and swam. But the pounds piled on, as I knew they would.

I am really interested to know if anyone else has the sort of "Oh to Hell with it..." mentality that I have? That's why I gave this piece it's title. Am I just a horrible warning? Bugger. I think I might be.

I ask because I had a friend (who lives in Scotland) email me early this morning after reading my blog..and last night's entry in particular. She was laughing she said, because I am 'so laid back' (her words) about the whole weight-loss journey. She called me "a tonic"..but then said, "I always feel so much better about my own failure to lose weight when I read your blog."

Is that a back-handed compliment or wot? Should I be pleased that I have cheered someone up, or angry that I (almost deliberately) blew it last week? Nope. I don't feel anger. Nothing there. I weighed myself this morning knowing I'd gained weight. No anger - but perhaps just a tiny feeling of relief that I wasn't another stone heavier. (Sorry, I don't do metric...)

So, for now, I am the horrible warning. If you don't eat sensibly today and fit some exercise in, I am comin' to getcha! There! Be afraid - very afraid! You could be caught by me, and I'd show you how to REALLY relax on this weight-loss journey ;-)

Oh, and today you get two quotations, you lucky people...and you can choose A or B as the best one. You can also guess which one I favour right now:)

A) 'Excess generally causes reaction, and produces a change in the opposite direction, whether it be in the seasons, or in individuals, or in governments.'  ~ Plato


B) 'Let's not quibble! I'm the foe of moderation, the champion of excess. If I may lift a line from a die-hard whose identity is lost in the shuffle, "I'd rather be strongly wrong than weakly right."  ~ Tallulah Bankhead

See, I can't even beat myself up about being a pillock. I didn't pig-out or binge on bad stuff. I merely ate and drank at the same speed as my (slim) companions. No seconds, and in some ways I had smaller portions and left more on my plate..but that's because of dental problems. More about my teeth in another post...(Calm down! I can feel your excitement building. Now there's something to look forward to, eh?) ) I am going to blame my weight gain on my sluggish metabolism...that'll do.

Oh, and on Monday my little sister (52) marries the man she has been with since 1978. They never felt the need to marry and have been perfectly faithful to each other and happy together all these years - even remaining in their own homes, across town from each other (much like me and my man do now.) He is going to retire this year after 40+ years work for the same firm and wants to ensure his (good) pension goes to his wife, should anything happen to him. Same for my sister who has worked all her life. There's romantic for you. On Monday they'll have a small wedding service in a beautiful old monastery, a blessing in church and then a reception in a lovely country hotel. Yet more fuckin' food and drink! (No prizes for knowing there'll be a fat woman trying to hide behind everyone in every soddin' wedding photograph!)

Do you reckon I should start this blog again sometime next year? See that joke about third cousin Rodney at the side of my page? Worryingly, I am becoming that woman. I am sure disciplined types reading this will be holding up their hands in horror, or disgust. Sigh.

You be a good example. Leave me to be the horrible warning, OK? For now, anyway. (I am a determined to be a 'temporary' horrible warning.)


  1. Thanks for your sweet comment on my "about me" page! I appreciate you!

    I know where you're at right now. I've been through every "dieting" stage imaginable ... especially resentment. I hate that it's such a struggle for me. I hate that I wear any and every poor decision on my body when my thinner counterparts live a much less health-centered lifestyle than I do. But that's the card I was dealt, you know?

    You mentioned in your comment that you struggle to take the bull by the horns and maybe it's overcoming that reluctance which will be the big breakthrough for you.

    Quite frankly, I don't think I would be where I am at (or hanging in there as I have so much more to lose) if I hadn't got to the point where I said "Okay. This isn't working for me! What is the payoff of being fat? Why am I resistant to change?" and going from there.

    I struggle all the time. It's just the nature of the beast. Personally, I would just chalk it up to living and get back on plan. Life happens! The scale reflects that. And ultimately, that's okay. It's such a bigger picture thing!

    I am looking forward to your journey. Example ... warning ... whatever YOU want to be is fine. But it's your choice. And I think you have the courage to eventually get where you want to be if you just hang in there.

    I have to believe that! After all, you said you saw a lot of yourself in me. Well, I see myself as a success! =P

  2. Grumpy:
    Don't you know that all of us fat girls have been where you are about a thousand times?

    Whether you forge ahead on throwing weight away or stop the presses and throw caution to the wind you are an absolute DELIGHT to read and have a lot to offer the blogging world.

    One of the "lessons" of life is that a lesson will be repeated until it is learned. If not now, when?

    Keep us all posted. Carry on.