I so admire that strength. I admire it because I think I lack it.
I have been thinking...is it doing me good to read the blogs of others who are every bit as fallible as I am, yet they set goals and just know that they'll reach them?
Am I gaining strength and determination when I read about strong people who succeed or am I depressing myself because I can't emulate them?
They have a determination and a spirit I fail to muster and some times, I can feel rather deflated because I know I can give up on myself too easily and excuse it away. I could say I don't care, but I obviously do, or I wouldn't be writing this.
Oh..I lost another two pounds by the way - over the last - I dunno...few weeks? See, she says sarcastically, there's an example of how tightly executed this weight-loss campaign of mine is.
So, I have lost weight and that is good, but it's also a bit of a miracle too, given the poor food choices I have made this weekend. It's been a bad few days eating wise. I suspect that if I'd bothered to weigh myself sometime last week I'd have been pleasantly surprised by a significant loss..(That is the only way I can explain the loss of two pounds this morning....I'd lost a bit more last week and regained it by over-eating this weekend.)
Oh it's been a bad weekend. It's been a thoroughly enjoyable weekend in terms of socialising, but from my point of view it's been 'bad'...and that's because I defiantly and knowingly pigged out. No excuses. I just didn't exercise any control...or, come to that, do any exercise apart from walking around the shops.
Sheesh. One small step forward, five gigantic steps backwards. I don't want sympathy...I need to be allowed to beat myself up here, because I DO know the theory, and as the Anti-Jared said in a recent post, what is the point of knowing what you must do, if you don't bother doing it?
So true. I am hoping for that old magic wand, that silver bullet, that amazing weight-loss pill or pathetically hoping that my blubber will some how melt away overnight without any effort from me.
Looks like I can continue having good times, and go for the old "eat, drink and be merry" lifestyle and continue to mither and whine about my fatness...or I can just grab the bull by the horns and muster up some determination.
The positives I take from this are "Hey...you are two pounds down! That's a reason to be cheerful!" I could also say "You had a great weekend...and ate loads of your favourite foods, drank some incredibly good wine and met up with good friends! Lucky you!" There is no denying that we did lots, ate lots, laughed lots..it was good.
However..my weight clings to me stubbornly. I am older. My metabolism is shot to pieces. I cannot KEEP taking my foot off the pedal. What is the point of losing a small amount only to put it back on again the following weekend in hedonistic splurges? Why on earth do I do it knowingly too? It's complete self-sabotage, and it has to stop.
I just want to find that drive...the drive and determination that doesn't desert me when I am faced with socialising, eating out, and having friends round. It's my problem...and one I have to solve or otherwise suffer the consequences of my behaviour and the choices I make. If I am the captain of my own ship, I seem to be deliberately steering it on to the rocks to see what happens, whilst laughingly telling others "Oh it can be mended at the boat-yard if it doesn't sink..." How mad is that?
I need a kick up the arse. Oh if only I were double-jointed. I'd be doing it to myself right now.
I hope you've all been a bit more determined than I have these last few days. That wouldn't be at all hard!
Anyway. Recriminations over. It serves no purpose unless I decide to get my act together. THAT is my food for thought right now.
Anthony Robbins ~ "You can't always control the wind, but you can control your sails."
Here's the windup, the release and WHAP! One kick in the arse, as requested. You did ask for it.
ReplyDeleteEnough already. Whining for years didn't get the weigh off me either and you can continue to snivel and eat everything you want OR you can get a grip and stop sabotaging yourself. Slow weight loss is good, so what if you only lost two pounds in the last few weeks! I've only lost one pound in two weeks but I haven't thrown in the towel. That one pound every two weeks (often less) has added up to 25 lbs over the last year and a half. Stunning success? No, but I look a hell of a lot better than I did and I feel better too.
Your pity party will not get you in that wedding dress. Your man deserves better than you putting him off forever. There's some motivation for you.
Done kicking. I hope that was what you were looking for.
Barb
Barb - ouch! Beautifully executed! Thank you!:)
ReplyDeleteI hadn't actually thought about putting things off forever, as in making plans to marry and finding a wedding dress, but you are SO right. We put life on hold when we (deliberately) delay striving for our goals. I don't mind doing this slowly, but the conscious self-sabotage will see all my efforts grind to a halt if I don't get a grip - and keep it!
FG: You had me at "there's an example of how tightly executed this weight-loss campaign of mine is."
ReplyDeleteLaughing......
You want to do it or you wouldn't be here. Congratulations on throwing the two pounds away (regardless of how they were thrown).
Jo
I agree with Barb. If being skinny to fit into a wedding dress to marry the man on your dreams is continually being put on hold because you haven't lost the weight you want to lose, you're only hurting yourself. Tomorrow never comes, and when it finally does it's too late.
ReplyDeleteTake it from someone who lost her father at a young 23, the prime of my life and before he got to see me get married, finish college or have children, no matter what you do, there'll come a day when something in your life happens and you wished you'd taken care of it long before it happens. Don't let your weight loss be that one regret you have for the rest of your life.
Go out, have fun with friends, laughter is excellent exercise. Just remember to eat in proportions!
Glad the arse kicking was within acceptable bounds. Now get the bread and the baking crap out of your house, pitch the honey in the bin, walk to the store and get some lovely lean chicken breasts and fresh veg. How about a lovely light white wine to go with it (two glasses, be good) and inviting the man to share it with you? I've lost a fair bit recently eating like that and walking.
ReplyDeleteYou can eat well, enjoy some wine and company and still drop a little every week. How about you set that wedding date over the nice white wine?
Yes, I'm a pushy thing sometimes...
Barb
I'm stuck, too, in your scenario, except I'm not losing any weight! I either do really well, or really not well at all. I need a kick, too.
ReplyDeleteReally want that magic solution to come forth!
Two pounds, I dream of two pounds down. :)
ReplyDeleteI have really been struggling lately. For months now, honestly. The blog world, whether the writer is maintaining or struggling too, keeps me going. Pushes me not to give up.
ReplyDelete