Fat Grump's Gold Medal for Procrastination.

For those of us struggling or finding it hard to get started in earnest, this post is for you (and for me!) I haven't lost my way really. I just keep looking at the path I have to travel and then decide against it and take another one. I have no idea why I don't just grab the bull by the horns and set off. I am wasting time by not fully committing to losing weight, exercising more and making myself healthier.

I am one of life's great procrastinators. I have gold medals in Procrastination. I could lecture all over the world about putting things off. I have a Doctorate in Dithering. However, the burden of guilt which comes from wasting yet another day weighs heavier than the rolls of fat round my middle, my thighs, my arse and my upper arms. Throw in an extra chin for good measure.

However, having just come back from the sunny Mediterranean I have an ally in the glorious sun shining here. The UK is sweltering. (This could be our summer, this one weekend.) However, it's a clammy heat, a humid heat and we have no breeze. The sky is blue and cloudless. I should be glad. It's a day for lazing around. It certainly ISN'T a day for eating. Neither was yesterday. In fact, I ate very little yesterday...a bowl of sugar/salt-free muesli, a scattering of sunflower seeds, an orange, a few almonds, an apple and a bowl of lentil and vegetable soup with a slice of wholemeal bread and a low fat strawberry yogurt. My sort of food really...although had there been cakes and biscuits in the house I'd have had them too. I am trying to make up for the food-fest of last week's holiday.

Today the sun bakes down again and I have just delivered my car to the local garage for it's annual MOT test. (Ministry of Transport.) I am hoping there is not too much wrong with it and that it will be road-worthy for another year. I left it there with the key and will collect it from the forecourt later.So...in the heat I walked back from the garage...a 45minute walk via busy roads. This was my exercise. I'd planned this walk. I'd forgotten my sunglasses - I'd left them in the car - so I squinted all the way home and was aware of the sun's heat on my arms and neck. I hummed and smiled to myself. This is what Noel Coward meant when he wrote "Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun"

I felt I was melting but walked at a reasonably swift pace, as I always do...as I've always done. I like to walk. I was aware of my poor (huge) flat feet taking the strain and my ankles being puffy. I am carrying around the extra weight of a sofa, but I carried on.

The roads were fairly quiet - most sensible people are lazing in parks or their back gardens in this hot weather but I did watch an a middle aged woman ahead of me, on the other side of the road walk slowly to the bus stop. She was bigger than me and leant on her large wheeled shopping bag for support as she crossed the road. Big people waddle when they walk, don't they? And which comes first - immobility or fatness? She slowly lumbered from side to side with a very slight limp as though one of her hips was giving her trouble. If that wasn't a sign for me, a timely message for me about losing weight, I don't know what is. She plonked herself down on the ledge that serves for a seat in the bus shelter and as I walked by I could see her body heaving. That effort left her out of breath. Her face was bright red.

Fat people out there...why do we allow this to happen? It's SO easy to do the damage to ourselves and so difficult to shift the weight once it piles on.

Anyway..back to my point. The sun makes me hot and I like to drink fizzy cold water from the fridge with a tiny splash (the merest hint) of sugar-free lime cordial added to it. I drink lots of it as the heat makes me thirsty. It however, seems to act as a bit of an appetite suppressant. I can't be bothered to make a mug of tea...I need my cold water. So, today I don't feel hungry. The boys are out and I have the house to clean from top to bottom as my older sister is driving up from Surrey tomorrow, to stay with us, given our younger sister is getting married on Monday. I have been away for a week and the boys - who, in fairness have been working long hours every day - haven't done a scrap of cleaning. They have spilled things on the kitchen floor and not bothered wipe up their mess..The kitchen and bathrooms have to be thoroughly cleaned and I have a bedroom to sort out too....I could have made a start yesterday but I seem to need a tight deadline to scare me into action. I am after all a leading authority on procrastination.

Do I need my hips to cause problems before I realise my weight is working against me? Do I need a Doctor to tell me I have serious complaints before I am scared into doing something about my weight? Is it only when we are at rock bottom that we decide to care about our bodies? Perhaps I need a deadline to work towards - but I have known about my holiday and my sister's wedding for some time now. I could have lost weight for both, so that I'd look better in my summer clothes/wedding finery. No..nothing happened. There was no sense of urgency. I think I need to be confined to boot camp before I'll get into shape, but in reality that isn't going to happen. I have to be my own task-master. I have to crack my own whip. Even setting goals doesn't work for me...unless someone expects me to deliver at a certain time I go easy on myself.

I have a house-cleaning deadline, so I'll meet it. I'll work on the house all day even though I should be lounging about in the garden because after all, my sister will be arriving and she'll see the mess if I make no effort to clean up. Now...everyone else sees the mess I am in when I walk about in the sun...why does the state of my body not bother me to the extent that I want to get my act together? Lack of self-love? I'll meet other deadlines....yet not set one for myself.

Ah well. I am burning calories today and have no desire to eat just now...but given our climate is pretty crap and we get more grey days than sunny ones, I can't rely on the heat to keep me in line.

Right, computer off...furniture polish at the ready. Look after yourselves...love yourselves even, where ever you are. This is the only body we have. Let's clean it up.