Friday, 9 April 2010

Being in control sucks.

A new day. A day when I have promised myself I'll eat sensibly and go out and do things in the garden. My car wouldn't start this morning, no matter what I tried, so my plans for today, to go into town and buy a couple of birthday presents and perhaps a 'me' small treat - a new scarf, a lipstick or a bottle of nail-varnish to go with my 'party' outfit (in 'slimming' black, naturally) - have been scuppered. Oh well. Another repair bill I can't afford. Sigh.

Last weekend we went away and celebrated Easter, with friends...and we ate and drank lots. This coming weekend I am staying with relatives who live about 60 miles away, because one of them has a 50th birthday party - and it's being held in an Italian restaurant!

Next weekend, one of my OH's relatives turns 60. (Gosh. She is waaaaay too young looking, slim - dammit! - and vibrant to be 60!!) For that party we are staying in a hotel rather than driving back at night, so we can partake of the wine and champagne.  Eat, drink and be merry. Or not. Bah!

The weekend after that, my two sisters are coming to my house for the weekend, as we traditionally celebrate each other's birthdays. Mine fell just after the Easter weekend so we were all doing other things. (We are a close, small birthdays are a time for get togethers, given we all live miles apart now.)

April has been - or will be - one month of constant partying. It will be a food-fest every weekend. OK, so all things in moderation and I'll be able to partake of a few things on the menu which won't cause me too many problems (if I am disciplined enough)  - but, aren't events like this fairly rare occasions when we can and perhaps should throw caution to the wind? Life is short after all. (OK, OK - even shorter if you die from an obesity related heart-attack. I know all these things. Most fat people do.)

It seems to me that in order to lose weight we have to be thinking about being sensible and restricting our intake ALL the while. I am sure once the healthy eating regime is under-way we start to become choosy about the calories we consume, but at the beginning of the journey all I can see before me is misery and a life of denial.

Sorry for moaning...(actually, no, I am not sorry. I am the grumpy woman who says it like it is...) It's not fun, is it? OK, I hear you saying "Yes, but when you love yourself you want the best for yourself and you won't want to eat fattening crap any more". I am sure eating well becomes a habit.

However - what about before you get to that stage? It's about training yourself in denial. "I can't have this...I can't have that. I shall limit myself to one of those. Those are bad for me, and wine? That's just fattening. Drink water."

Bloody hell!

OK, so I either want to be slim or I don't, but don't you agree I should start my healthy eating campaign in MAY? ;-) There is just far too much food and fun temptation in April.

Yeah, yeah. My head tells me May will throw up food/socialising problems too and if I don't start in April I could be at least half a stone heavier in May. I know all this stuff. We all do, deep down. However...that demon which whispers "You enjoy yourself girl. You deserve to have fun!" isn't quietened easily.

It's a laugh a minute here, isn't it?

OK...something to think about. I might have written this one myself.

Opportunity may knock only once, then goes away, but temptation leans on the doorbell.
I know I am not the only one guilty of letting in temptation and allowing it to make itself comfortable. Do I have to bolt my doors in April?

And hey. I DO know I am lucky to have such a fun April to look forward to. I am really grateful for friends, families and social occasions which brighten my life. I cherish the people in my life. This is a rare month. Events are just happening all at once, and I really have to have a plan of action as far as eating and drinking goes. That's the hard bit. On reflection, it's not really a problem at all, or perhaps it's a problem I am really lucky to have when so many hungry people would love the amounts of food we get to choose from in the western world. I am going to beat myself up now for being an ungrateful, moany old cow. A fat, ungrateful moany old cow mind you....

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