Saving Private Ry...erm...no, Saving Private Fat Grump.

I am not sure what to call this post. I am smiling to myself here, thinking of military analogies.

You know when the troops gain ground over the enemy, then set up camp so they can regroup and think about the next step - that's where I am. I have recognised the enemy and am fighting it, but remain in a trench for the time being. No movement. Not only that...I get comfortable in my trench and decide to stay there for a while.

I weighed myself yesterday. After a fortnight of no real eating or exercise plan and TWO successive weekends of (milestone) birthday celebrations, both with champagne and food in lovely venues - I remain the same weight. I haven't gained, I haven't lost, yet I didn't cut back when celebrating. I didn't pig out either, but again, I am not really a binge-eater.

I am however a person who punctuates her days with food. A snacker..someone who thinks 'What can I eat?" when I move from one sedentary task to another. I am also a woman who has started to resent being active...(as explained in previous posts.) I don't binge-eat, but I do still (occasionally) buy myself food treats...like a three pack of ice lollies. Now that is OCCASIONAL behaviour (honestly- there is no point lying to myself or you - a mad craving once in a blue moon) so now that I am thinking about it, that is one occasional behaviour I must stop. The odd urge for something sweet. I recognise I have it - not constantly, but every now and then, and I know I can satisfy it with a few raisins or dried apricots. If the (lovely creamy Magnums) ice lollies aren't in the freezer I won't eat them. I might think about buying them but I can get around that with self-talk and with occupying myself.

Should I try and rid myself of a sweet tooth I ask? On reflection I think that would be stupid. I don't buy cakes any more, or biscuits. I do buy dried apricots and nuts. The boys will scoff cakes and biscuits if I buy them, but why would you feed your kids unhealthy things? Like me, they'll find alternatives to sweet snacks if they are hungry - like toast (we don't have jam or marmalade in the house because we don't like it.) I'll buy wholemeal muffins rather than cakes and my hungry young men can devour them or bananas or a bowl of pasta or something from the fruit bowl..or yogurts or cheese in the fridge. I stopped buying butter just before Christmas and now buy a light spread, which was hard to get used to at first, but has grown on us. No more butter for us...and I am thinking of saturated fats.

I love a bacon sandwich. I buy bacon about twice a month and it's grilled. I don't fry foods except eggs and we have fried eggs about four times a year...I just don't fry or do cooked breakfasts. Not for us a chip pan or deep fat-fryer. I do stir fry though and use olive oil or vegetable oil. I don't buy or use hard fat like lard or dripping. I roast meats on Sunday every now and then, and we have Yorkshire puddings and roast potatoes, but again, that's about ten Sundays in a year. My man tends to cook for us me on Sunday and we have a roast dinner but he is a low-fat cook himself for the most part...the only naughty items being his roast potatoes and parsnips, (if I decide to have them) cooked in vegetable oil.

I DO like bread...but buy wholemeal or granary bread as my kids were brought up on it. They like it. Occasionally I'll buy a fresh crusty white loaf. Now that is just MADE for REAL butter, but because I don't do butter any more, I have no reason to buy fresh white bread. I like pitta breads and naan breads, to go with curries. Bread I enjoy...

I think I have a handle on my eating. Today for example I had a bowl of bran flakes with semi-skimmed milk for breakfast, a mug of tea, a banana with a morning coffee (a splash of semi skimmed milk in that - no sugars or sweeteners) and two small white pitta breads with hummus and tomatoes for lunch.. washed down with a big glass of water. It's healthy enough but probably slightly high in carbohydrates and low in bulk...salads and veg to fill me up.

Tonight we are going out to a country pub for a meal (belatedly celebrating my April birthday with my family) and I'll have whatever I fancy on the menu..but I don't really like chips. (I am a fat woman who doesn't like chips and chocolate!) I'll choose either boiled potatoes or a jacket potato, with a pat of butter in it. I like fish, so if there is salmon on the menu I'll probably choose salmon and boiled potatoes with vegetables or salad. THAT is my preferred pub meal of choice and has been for years. I don't like steak much, or burgers or pies. I'll have a glass of dry white wine with it and only be tempted to have a pudding if creme brulee is available. I don't like gateaux or sweet sauces and chocolate sauce makes me squirm. Why do chefs feel the need to squirt it over everything? I don't like apple pies or crumbles..or anything in a pie or crumble and most hot puddings and I hate warm custard. I don't mind cream though. I like fresh cream, but only if I fancy a pudding, and nine times out of ten I don't.

I think I can do damage limitation with my food. So - if I am going to push forward, gain ground (but lose pounds and stones!) I need a plan of action. I have to be my own commander in this. It would seem that if I am to be victorious I have to move on. I have to get out of my rut...er...I mean trench.

It's all about movement or exercise, isn't it? I could tweak the eating a little and have more protein and less carbohydrate..and fill up on fruit..(OK, so carbs in the form of natural sugars, but so high in vitamins, minerals and fibre that I think they SHOULD be eaten.) I also must stop punctuating my days with tea breaks. I love tea and it goes SO well with cakes or biscuits:-) I will find something sweet to go with my tea quite often, especially in the afternoon...so I might make toast and honey. I recognised a while ago that cakes and biscuits just can't be brought into the house. They'd accompany my tea breaks and there is NO WAY I am going to give up on tea.  Again, a slice of toast and honey isn't terribly sinful, given I have cut out butter and the bread is wholemeal.

It all adds up though, especially if I am not burning it off with movement.

My general is telling me I must move. I have to gain ground. What do they call it in the army...a 'push' forward? It's imperative.Yesterday he made me get out of my trench and into the back garden, until the light faded, to clean up. He made me do lots of bending, stretching, sweeping, fetching and carrying and he reckons I'll be on these duties for a while to come yet, although he did say if I win that battle I can eventually sit in my garden and just enjoy it. I actually enjoyed that operation. It was a small victory. He also insisted I turn my computer off when I have been on it for an hour. That is my limit he says..one hour, twice a day. He has spies out, watching me I hope. I think I could sneakily defy my commanding officer though. I might not follow his orders. This is my problem. (I'll face a court martial?)

He has reavealed that the enemy is Sloth. In a secret meeting with him he reminded me that Sloth was intent on marching into my territory and taking over. Sloth will kill me if he gets the chance apparently. My commanding officer instructed that I must go on manoeveres every single day in the fight against Sloth. He is harsh. I am told that my duty is to leave through the front door on a mission. The mission is of my choosing but it has to be on foot and take me away from HQ for at least 45 mins. I have to give Sloth the runaround. If I could go on these missions twice a day he says victory will come earlier, because I'll end up running eventually, Sloth will be weakened, never to return and my efforts will be noticed in dispatches. He promises the uniform will be altered if I lose weight due to my heavy involvement in the war effort. He says it will be a much more flattering uniform too.

So. It looks like I am at war with myself and my natural instincts...which are bringing me down and preventing the victory over fatness. Will I defeat the seduction of sedentary pastimes or will I rot in my trench? Will Sloth be the force to beat me? Tune in for the next exciting installment tomorrow.

Oh..and did you know Winnie said this...

Never give in--never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.

Winston Churchill--

Was he talking about war? Don't be silly! He was of course talking about the force of cakes, ice cream and laziness.