I don't even like chocolate that much. I am rarely tempted to buy it. But this week I did. There was a 'buy one get one free' offer in the supermarket and the plan was that those individually wrapped bars of chocolate wafers would be a treat for son to take to work. A sweet snack to eat after his sandwiches. One per day. Other son could eat the other five, but just one small bar per day, given he does a physical job and probably needs the energy. He'll burn off the calories very easily. Both will. Both are slim, active and physically fit.
So - five bars per pack, ten bars in all, sitting in my fridge. Each bar contained 115 calories.
One of my sons opened them yesterday evening and this morning a whole pack had gone. My two grown-up boys (21 and 22) had scoffed five small chocolate wafer bars in one evening. This morning the second pack had been opened and I suspect a bar had been eaten for breakfast.
I was cross! There were only four bars left.
It did however make me ask myself why I had bought TEN little bars of chocolate in the first place. I don't want my family to eat this much junk in one sitting and I certainly don't want to eat chocolate.
So, only four out of ten individually wrapped bar of chocolate sat in my fridge at nine o' clock this morning. Six bars of chocolate have vanished, eaten by my boys, and I only bought them yesterday morning! They were meant to last the week!
Now it's four o' clock in the afternoon and as I write, only TWO remain. Who ate the other two? (This is like an Agatha Christie novel isn't it?) It IS criminal that so many bars of chocolate have been eaten in such a short space of time! Call in the detectives. Who ate two bars of chocolate today then?
I did of course! It was Mrs Fat Grump, in the kitchen with a sharp set of teeth, in case you prefer Cluedo.
Yes, I made myself a mid-afternoon coffee and ate TWO wafer bars with it, only because I remembered they were there. They called my name. They lured me to the fridge with their siren call. I was helpless.
Stop it woman! Chocolate bars ain't bloody mermaids!
See how strong my will is? See how dedicated I am to the cause of losing weight?
"I conclude, my dear Holmes that Mrs Grump has no self-discipline whatsoever. She did in fact kill herself by the eating of foods which contained fat, sugar and very little else in terms of nutritional value. The case is closed. Let us repair to Baker Street forthwith to eat a nice healthy salad."
Holmes nodded in agreement. "No shit for us Sherlock...."
And today's pearl of wisdom?
“Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control - these three alone lead to power"~ Alfred, Lord Tennyson.
They do Alf. They do. I have no power. Sigh.
Self-reverence? Loving yourself. Taking care of yourself? Hmmm. Not sure if I do love myself enough really. If I did, would I scoff chocolate, just because it's there? Wouldn't I have the will-power to resist?
Self-knowledge? Yes, I think I understand myself and what drives me. I know that I am very weak in some parts of my life. Of late I lack the thing that makes me get up and achieve, although for most of my earlier life that was in place and working well. I am not driven any more. I give up easily on myself these days.
Self-control? Yes...my self-control is fine most of the time. My life is lived with appropriate self-control - except near the fridge and near the bakery section of the supermarket. If I catch myself in time I walk right on by those temptors. If I linger or think too long about decisions regarding food or shut down the bit that says "NO!" (which I seem able to do) I am lost.
Today the chocolate and the fridge won. All is not lost however. Two wafer bars remain in the fridge and I don't want them. I doubt very much if I'll eat them. I have hidden them away - from the boys. I know they'll still be there tomorrow. I had a blip and I must move on.