There has to be a plan - without slimming clubs.

It's all a bit fudgy, isn't it? My weight loss plan that is. So far I have merely grumbled about getting going. I'll have to stop wavering and jump in.

I know I have to eat less and move more. That's a fairly simple weight-loss equation, but as yet I am not on a 'diet' of any sort.

The word 'diet' has scary connotations for me; it's a land of 'good' foods, 'bad' foods and 'completely forbidden' foods, so I don't go there. You tell me I can't eat something, ever, and I'll go and buy a monster packet of it and scoff it in one serving to prove you wrong. I am likely to stack my cupboards with it too. I am not sure what sort of mentality that is - it's a weird one, but I do know that's the way I am.

I'd rather be on a 'healthy eating plan'. Should I devise that plan myself or should I join Weight-Watchers or Slimming World? Both have clubs running not too far from where I live. However, if I joined them, I'd have to follow a plan of their devising, and count points or have red or green days and count 'syns'. Spare me.

Again, my head rejects that way of doing things. I am not sure I'd turn up if I had a bad week. I am not very good at attending anything that runs too long at a set time on a set day, because life gets in the way. Perhaps joining the online version might be a better option for me? Going to a place where you hang about and wait for everyone to get weighed, applaud each others successes and have a kindly woman tell you about the filling qualities of a new prune yogurt and give you a recipe for a chocolate sauce you can pour over everything, even your cabbage, because it only has seven calories per teaspoonful, just doesn't light my fire. I am sorry. Yawnsville. And, without trying to sound conceited, when I last attended a slimming club, many years ago, the leader seemed to know less than I did about nutrition. It was all very general and pleasant, and she was side-tracked by a member explaining in excruciating detail the recipe she'd used to make a sodding mushroom omelette.

Fat people tend to know an awful lot about the properties of food, don't they? We do the research. There aren't many exciting, new revelations at Fat Club weigh-ins. I wonder if the pep talks are any better? I'd go if the leader was a bruiser with a penchant for grabbing lapels and pinning whiny women like me against the wall to eye-ball us as she growled "Look fat lump. Make a commitment to lose weight or go home and eat cakes. Just f*ck off and stop wasting my time. You either want to do this or you don't, so make your mind up otherwise set foot in one of my meetings again and I'll stick your log book in a place where the sun doesn't shine! Get it? "

I'd have respect for someone like that ;-) Sessions would be interesting and hard hitting. I don't need sympathy and encouragement. I need fear and straight-talking. I'd be scared into succeeding!

Today I give you an old English proverb to think about:
 

"Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork."

OK. The eating plan for now will be :-

Breakfast: A small bowl of high fibre cereal (I like bran flakes, Weetabix, a decent muesli ) with semi-skimmed milk. A bucketful of tea with a splash of semi-skimmed milk added will wash it down. What would life be without tea?

Snackettes after brekkie: Two soft dried apricot halves, five raisins to suck, and a small banana. All a bit heavy on the carbs so far, but nice sweet healthy fruits which will satisfy any sugar ( I need cake!) cravings. Another mug of weak tea.

Morning coffee: Probably a good instant if I am honest, medium strength with a splash of semi-skimmed milk. Yes, loads of caffeine so far, but that will be my only coffee.

Lunch: Now...will I be able to avoid bread? I have loaded up on carbs. I love baby leaf spinach, cress, cherry tomatoes and red onions. I'll drizzle the tiniest amount of olive oil over it and sprinkle it with black pepper. That'll be the basis of my salad. With it I'll have either a hard boiled egg, half a small can of tuna (in brine, not oil) or a couple of slices of lean ham or chicken. I tend to have one or two boxes of Lean Cuisine in the freezer too, so if I can't be bothered with 'preparation' one of those will suffice. I have light crackers and low-fat cheese in the fridge and low-cal tinned soups and vegetables in the cupboard so I'll attempt to plan lunch and dinner in advance. I know my downfall is not planning, which leads me to eat anything I can get my hands on that is stationary, will fit in the microwave and doesn't have a pulse. The cat isn't allowed to sleep in the kitchen any more.....

Mid afternoon snackettes: I always get the munchies, so I'll have a packet of Snack-a-Jacks - rice and corn cakes - caramel flavour. 101 cals per pack. Almonds or an apple/kiwi fruit or pineapple fingers (ready prepared, from the fridge - cold, sweet and delicious) or a handful of grapes if I am still looking for food to eat.

Dinner: I often see my man in the evenings. He cooks or I do. He is really into low-fat cooking (he had a cholesterol scare a few years ago) so we'll eat well whatever. My low-fat spag bol* is very tomato-ey and full of vegetables. I'll ensure I eat more lean meat and veg than I do potatoes, rice or pasta. I'll have very small portions of those and fill my plate up with vegetables if possible.*See reference to things like pasta sauce. That is no hardship for me. This is the meal where common sense will have to prevail. Neither of us cares whether we eat pudding or not, so we tend not to. He''ll have his glass of red wine and I'll drink water...as I will throughout the day when I can't be bothered to make tea.

Supper: If I am mooching for something to eat late at night, (this happens) I'll allow myself a slice of wholemeal toast, with low fat spread and a drizzle of honey. That or Marmite, depending on whether I fancy something sweet or savoury.

Have I got all the bases covered? I think so. No idea about calories but I'd say I was under 1500 with the above. ('Don't guess - check values!' I hear you scream!)

So far today I am on plan. Now I really have to think about movement, because I think more than gluttony I am guilty of sloth. I like being slothful, sadly. More about that another time. Just take time to notice what's loaded onto your fork today folks...(or what is clasped in your chubby little hands..)